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Bikers
Haven Accident
Scene Management |
2005 Friday, April 15 A Sister Really Needs Our Support Now Dear
VTwin Mama, I
am asking your help in participating in a ride to benefit Kathleen and/or
donating an item to be raffled off (readers, I'll be
sending some VTwin Mama goodies for the raffle). Donations for
Kathleen Ewing's (BlackRaven) medical expenses should be forwarded
to: Gypsy Riders, c/o Christine Bell, 3423 W. Via Montoya Dr.,
Phoenix Arizona 85027. Checks may be payable to Kathleen Ewing or
Gypsy Riders. If you want to see a picture of Kathleen pre-March 31st, go to our website and click on Members. Kathleen is our Treasurer. Her birthday is coming up as well - April 20th, so a birthday card would be nice too. Please keep Kathleen in your thoughts and prayers and ask your friends and families to do the same. Thank you for your support. Christine Bell, aka Harmony, WOW Gypsy Riders Chapter Director, 602-418-9225 Dear
Christine, Thursday, April 21 Dear
VTwin Mama, May 1,2003 I went into an S-curve on my Gold Wing, pushing way to much speed (overconfidence can kill). Needless to say, I lost it and went off the road, got airborne and sideways and slammed a tree that did not budge. I came to 10 minutes later to find myself hurt pretty bad. I don't want to go into the gore but it wasn't pretty. I now use a prosthetic leg and have a few fingers that don't work and I might not be as pretty in the face as I was, haha. But I lived to ride again. There is no substitute for the wind in your hair and the saddle between your legs as I'm sure you know. Well I have slowed down some. Which brings me to the moral of my story. "Self confidence and/or experience is no substitute for common sense and safe riding." I hope that maybe this might save someone else from learning the hard way as I did. Thanks for listening. James Dear
James, Readers, we have often mentioned that riding is more than technique alone and I think James's words remind us of this again. With the 2005 riding season under way, let's be smart out there. Mama Wednesday, September 7 Hey
Mama, Having never failed at anything in my life, I was dejected! My problem had everything to do with friction control, so I did as suggested: sit at the kitchen table and practice pulling in the clutch, giving some throttle and shifting. I then went to my garage and practiced this over and over again on my brand new Sportster 1200 custom. Well, on the second attempt, I was able to pass my riding class and go my motorcycle endorsement. This was in October, so I spent as much time on the bike over the next year polishing my skills and taking some adventure rides. Last June 20th, I was with some friends who live at the end of a 500 yard gravel driveway. I am not clear as to exactly what happened, but I know I lost control, probably grabbed the front brake and, because I had a throttle-rocker on that side, must have relaxed my hand onto it and, the next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance with a type three concussion (out for over 20 minutes). Yes, I had a helmet on and I'm sure it saved my life, as I took out 25' of fence with my head. I spent three days in the hospital with a brain bleed, but was determined to 'get back on the horse'. My bike was totaled, so I took my insurance money and traded up to a Heritage Softail Classic. I LOVE this bike! The difference between sitting on this bike and on my Sportster is like the difference between sitting on a spindly bar-stool and a Barcalounger. The bike has a much lower center of gravity, handles easily, and is very comfortable to ride. I only put about 100 miles on it from November to now and I'd like some help/feedback regarding my issue. Although I wanted to 'get right back on the horse', I am now facing some anxiety about doing so. I think it took awhile to realize just how badly injured I was. I had been comfortable with riding alone, but now am feeling unable to ride unless my boyfriend is nearby. His schedule hasn't allowed for any time off, so we haven't been out at all this summer. I'd rather not ride with anyone else, as I don't have any close rider friends who are aware of what happened. I've read all of the 'jitters' posts, but can't seem to get it together. Is it unusual to get a 'post-traumatic stress' reaction so long after the fact? (It's been a year.) Do you have any recommendations for me? Thanks so much for all that you do for us. Colorado Goddess Dear
Colorado Goddess, One is counseling . . . and let me note right here that I am not a trained professional, but you've got conflicting statements . . . you say you want to ride, but you've really made sure you can't (no rides alone, boyfriend needs to be around despite impenetrable schedule, won't ride with anybody else, etc.) . . . do you sort of see what I see? So, I think you need to decide which door you're going to open so you can move forward. If you can do that on your own , good, otherwise really consider talking to a professional who understands stress syndrome. My personal favorite idea is that you contact women's riding organizations, find the closest local chapters possible, say hi, tell them your story, and see if you can find a mentor. There is nothing in your bad experience to hide . . . in fact, there is everything to gain . . . from getting it off your chest, to working on your skills and mastering your new beastie. And it's women-to-women, so lots of sharing and caring (ok, men can do that to, but it's different). I wish you well on your upcoming journey. Mama Hello
Petra (VTwin Mama's real name!), On September 7th, riding to Maine on our vacation from Jersey, in New York a tractor trailer came over the line and took me and my bike out. I'm told I was in a coma for 4 days. I had a crushed ankle, broken arm, collapsed lung, head trauma, broken ribs, broken eye orbit, and broken scapula. Don't whine about the weather LOL. I praise God I'm recovering wonderfully. I'm writing hoping you will emphasize to all our lady friends to remember the trucks can suck you into them and push you away from them. I don't remember the accident at all, I only know what I'm told, so right now I don't have a fear of the bike but I don't know if I'll ride again. Please let the ladies know about the trucks! Thanks. Terri (liquidvnotch@aol.com) Dear
Terri, Consider me fully reprimanded on weather whining when clearly there are more important life issues at stake. In a subsequent email you noted you weren't yelling at me, but still, it doesn't hurt to be reminded how fragile life is, the importance of keeping our eye on the bigger ball, and that every moment is to be cherished, even the cold ones! I certainly have had my share of near misses when it comes to trucks and want to add that if a truck looks like its weaving in its lane, the driver may be drowsy. Another point of interest is any vehicle pulling a hitched trailer . . . some of these drivers don't realize that when they swing around a curve at high speeds that their trailer is swinging out of their lane. The bottom line is that big rigs require our complete focus. In your case Terri, the situation was created so fast there was no time to react . . . obviously the worst case scenario possible. About six months into the creation of the VTwin Mama site (August 2001), I received my first accident survival letter and created the Accident Survivor page. Here you'll find previous postings from other survivors and heartfelt discussions about riding again. You let me know that I could publish your email address so that other accident survivors could email with you one-on-one if they wished to. Contact Terri at liquidvnotch@aol.com or simply respond to the VTM site if you would like to post a "hug" letter. Mama Dear VTwin Mama, Now it is a year and some months later and I am full of fear on riding. I've been riding 4 years and now I feel that I have no confidence in my riding ability and I have put my bike away and am waiting for the desire to ride to come back. I do not know how else to get through this. Angela Dear Angela, Years ago, I ran off the road at a high speed and sustained injuries and the bike took some hits as well. It was the end of the season, so I let myself heal and the bike sit. When spring returned, my friends breathed a sigh of relief when I finally asked for help in straightening out the bike's dings (bent handlebars, trashed turn signals, etc.). As I worked on the bike, I started getting my desire to ride again despite my trepidation and lack of confidence that I wouldn't muck up again. I have to report that for years following this accident I was highly fearful of all higher speed left sweeping curves, because that's the curve I missed and flew off the road. It's diminished to some extent now, but I still find that sometimes I seize up inside. I continue to internally "talk" my way through high speed curves on occasion. I have learned to live with this and recognize the fear for what it is . . . a response to a lesson learned the hard way. As you know, I am not a trained psychologist. What I do know is that it isn't enough to just say to yourself that you have a "general" fear. You are an accident survivor and that means (to me at least) that there are specific aspects to the fear that are deep inside of you now. Part of your "fear" may in fact have a component of pure grieving for a loved friend who is no longer in your life, and there is never a timeline on the grieving process. Find a quiet moment, if you haven't already, to write down specific statements in relation to the experience and how you are feeling now. One might be "I'm afraid that I won't be able to gauge a bad situation in time to handle it." Build the list of statements in one column and then in the second column, begin to noodle out what you think you can do to rebuild your confidence. For instance, if the above statement applies, then one thing you could do is to sign up for an advanced riding course where you take your own bike to the course and rework skills. While this may be purely review, if you talked with the course instructor in advance, they might be willing to bring up your accident survivor status and address it with the group and how the techniques being practiced in the course are applicable to bad situations. I have received a few letters from women and men who noted that they benefited from seeking out a survivor counseling group. Although these survivors may not be related to motorcycling, the common thread is that something happened and they no longer feel they can continue to do something that they cared about deeply. My understanding is that a call to your general doctor or to the local hospital for referrals is the way to find these groups. My parting thought is this: do not for one second think that your prolonged sense of fear is in any way overboard, unnatural, or weird. You do however need to find the truth within in yourself and have the courage to face it. What is your inner voice whispering to you? Mama Tuesday, December 20 For Angela who is
struggling to regain her desire to ride after witnessing a horrific
accident over a year ago: Ask yourself honestly, do you really want to ride again? and why? There is no shame in saying you're done with it. Also, you might need a break for a few years to fully process the horrific events surrounding your friend's death. You may not have realized it when you wrote in but there are two specific reasons you gave for not riding again: 1) ". . . I feel that I have no confidence in my riding ability . . ." and 2) ". . . [you are] waiting for the desire to come back . . ." To address the first issue, I agree with Petra when she recommends an experienced rider's course. If you're concerned with your ability then completion of this course should help. In previous postings Petra has also recommended some great videos and books. Find someone supportive who will help to coach you back on the road; your husband or a local riding group or other mentor. Start easy with short rides through local neighborhoods or rural back roads that see little traffic then work your way back into more populated streets. Do this at your own pace! Remember to always ride your own ride! As far as the desire to ride? That is completely up to you. Everyone's desire comes from a different place. What appealed to you first when you learned you wanted to ride your own? What drew you to the sport and what prompted you to seek help on VTwinMama's site now? I ask myself "why" each time I pull my bike out of the garage. It's only when I'm sailing through the twisties in wooded back roads that I know why. I have a rapturous feeling in my chest and a stupid grin on my face. It is at that time that I fully realize the meaning of life and I am so happy to be alive. I urge you to seek help through therapy. There is no shame in asking for help! Every person is different and what works for one may not work for another. Whether it's a survivors' support group or private sessions; I'd recommend trying them both. Be sure you are comfortable with your therapist. It won't help you at all if you don't trust him/her. And be honest if talk therapy doesn't work for you. Give it a while because emotions are slow to heal. But if you truly feel talking isn't working then ask about hypnotherapy or EMDR. I don't know much about being hypnotized, but EMDR was very helpful in getting me back on the road. It stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Just google "EMDR" and you will find a wealth of information on the subject. I admit I didn't have any faith in it when I first tried it, but it was an amazing process and after one hour I was a believer. I did about six sessions of EMDR and it got me over the worst of it. I'm still processing bits of the crash to this day. Now I continue my day-to-day recovery with yoga. Yeah, that sounds kooky to me too, however it provides me with 60-90 minutes of ME time. If you're thinking pretzel poses let me assure you that's only for those who have been doing it for a long time. The poses or asanas actually start out fairly simply and give you time to just "be" with yourself. Amazingly I've worked out my dislike for my brother-in-law and problems at work and I've also discovered some surprising things (good and bad) about myself during class. Whatever you do, do something. These feelings you have will not just go away if you ignore them. Let me repeat: There is no shame in asking for help! I wish you much luck in your recovery. Best wishes to you and I will keep you in my thoughts. Jennifer in Wisconsin (note from Mama: I was soooo happy to see your email in my in-box, as I knew you could speak to Angela as a first-hand sister survivor. Thank you once again for chiming in to help as I know you continue to work through your own feelings step by step. You've added some wonderful thoughts in this message and I know it will give Angela more ideas on how to proceed.) I am going to offer an alternative . . . if you feel you really want to ride bikes but don't trust roads and traffic . . . get yourself a small, lightweight trail bike, and go riding on country trails and tracks. This does two things, keeps and even improves riding skills, and avoids cars and traffic. I know many guys, even pro racers, who, having seen or suffered bike accidents themselves now no longer ride on the road, they only off-road on bikes. No shame in that. Angela; if you are at all interested in this idea I will supply a list of trail bikes with low enough seat heights, if you tell me how tall you are. Some off-road bikes can be registered for road use, but I assume taking the bike to riding areas on the back of a pickup or trailer would suit you best to start with. Kevin in Sydney (note from Mama: an interesting suggestion which I can see has great merit. Thanks for taking the time to share this thought!) Dear VTwin Mama, I took my first ride since the accident on 9/11. I had to be lifted on the bike since I could hardly stand, but I wanted to feel the wind so badly so my friends made it happen for me. Of course my doctors freaked when I told them what I had done but they had come to know what riding means to me. I'm still looking at more surgery in the future but its minor with what I've had already. My heartfelt thanks go out to each and everyone who sent me support. I know I wouldn't be where I'm at today if it wasn't for all prayers and healing energy sent my way. I count myself a very lucky woman to have the support of the motorcycle community from all over the world. Fly Far, Fly Safe, With Love, Kathleen, aka Blkraven2 Dear
Blkraven2, Friday, February 10 Dear
VTwin Mama, To motorcycle accident survivors: I kind of understand how you feel about getting back on the motorcycle. I had an accident while doing my time trials for the women's Olympic ski team. I hit ice and hit a tree. I shattered my wrists, both knees, both hips and back and was told that I was lucky to be alive let alone walk again. Needless to say, my Olympic dreams were dashed and my spirit along with it. I would watch my friends ski their race everyday and my heart ached to be out there but at the same time I was alive. It took me some time and sole searching but I finally got on the skis again and again am racing. Only your heart knows if and when you are ready. God Bless and take care. ninjababe Dear
ninjababe, Tuesday, February 14 Dear
VTwin Mama, She came off the bike and rolled into the downhill lane. A guy in a late model sedan (who I believe must have ABS brakes and the reflexes of a cat) braked to a stop with his tire less that a foot from her neck. Cars behind her slewed all over the road to avoid her and the fallen bike. How no one ran her over I don't know! People jumped from cars and risked their lives to get her off the road. She was off road by the time I got turned around and parked up. She had on Draggin Jeans, an armoured synthetic jacket with padding in elbows, shoulders and most of the back. Scraped knees, a bruised shoulder, a scraped wrist and elbow. Very minor scrapes, probably just the material moving over her skin. The helmet is wasted, a $100 dollar full face, right hand side and middle of visor scraped more than a millimeter deep. Had it been an open face, she would have no face left. She was incredibly lucky. Major damage to the bike, I'll have to scrap the fairing and re-build it as a naked bike now. Some blame should also be on the woman driver of the car she bumped into, Lin had L plates displayed at rear of bike, woman was all the way over in the edge of her own lane, overtaking an L plater on a tight corner. Stupid. I had to drive 300 klicks today to go back and pick bike up with a ute. So Lin is shaken and stirred, but ok. Determined to get on bike again. I am booking in her for advanced riding at a track school first. She is just not consistent on corners at all. She needs a proper track, no cars, where she can learn what not to do on tight corners under instruction from a professional. I have been instructing her for over a month now, it's just not sinking in. I can't take the chance she will screw up again on the road. She is alive because one guy knew how to brake properly, that's it right there. She should be dead. Watching it in the rear vision mirror was not a good day out I can tell you! Terri and I think she looked too long at the white line dividing her lane from the next, and as you know, where you look is where the bike tends to go. Few riders will ever survive an accident like this. She had cars right behind her when she came off. I can't get the images out of my head. I read the story about the gal who is scared to get on her boyfriends GPZ 900. I really think some people should just not be pillions if they are that scared. She is only doing it to please him. I took a guy for a short ride round the block ride a year ago, his first time, his teeth were chattering, his whole body was shaking, he was petrified. I'll never take him on my bike again. Something you might want to mention to all the readers . . . if you or they ever get a strange feeling that today just "feels" like a day not to go for a ride . . . then don't. I have had this feeling several times, and always heeded it. One time I ignored it and rode out and felt very uncomfortable for about 15 minutes, the feeling got worse and worse. I turned around and went home, the feeling of relief when I parked up in the garage was incredible. Cannot explain it. Next day I was fine and rode all day. I have only had those feelings a dozen or so times in 25 years of continual riding. Listen to that inner voice is my opinion. So, Lin is home safe and sound, her bike is in my garage, awaiting some TLC later in the week. I won't be repairing or replacing the full fairing, too expensive and no point, it will go just as well without the full bodywork. Gives me a Streetfighter project for a month or so. Oh yes . . . LOL . . . the front fender came loose on the way to the mountains and I had to tear it off with my hands after it got stuck between wheel and engine. I think it WANTS to be a "naked" bike. Kevin in Australia Dear
Kevin, Once again we read an account where the type of riding gear selected made all the difference . . . thanks for sharing the specifics . . . it's good food for thought. I'm heartened to hear that Lin won't be giving up, but will eventually get back on the bike and continue working on her skills It's going to be a tough road, as many riders who experienced an accident can attest to . . . that's why I have an Accident Survivor section on my site . . . a chance to share and know that they are not alone. I too looked down at a white line, mine at over 70mph on a very tight country "S" curve road (and that was with about 12 years of riding time) . . . I was simply going too fast for my skill level and was lucky enough to fly off into a farmer's field with soft dirt. I pulled muscles, damaged the bike, and it took me 6 months to get back on. I'm pointing this out as I know how much you wish to assist Lin in getting back to riding. Just make sure SHE is telling you how SHE wishes to proceed. In part, her confidence is best rebuilt by mapping out baby steps that meet HER specific needs, and she'll need time to noodle that out. I know that my friends, who told me after I started riding again, feared I would never get back on a bike. For me, I needed a time factor. Each accident survivor is different and she needs to define that, just I did. I'm also glad you added your thoughts on "a bad riding day" feeling. This goes a long way to let other riders know that's it ok to acknowledge them, no matter how many miles or year they have under their wheels. Mama Wednesday, February 15 Dear
VTwin Mama, Dear
Sharon, I looked at this link, and there are a number of links to the video posted, but I found the first one to be a fast download (at least, on a DSL connection). It's not exactly clear in the audio portion why the cage driver swerved so violently into the pathway of Dawn, but the postings below her posting begins the discussion. Although there was nothing humorous about the accident, it took a few seconds for the people helping Dawn realize she was a woman rider, not a man. Despite our best efforts to be the best and safest riders we can be, the fact is that we're sharing the road as part of the riding experience. Let's use this as a reminder that we need to ride with our eyes and ears open at all times, and even though we can't control every action around us, we can do our very best to minimize the possibilities. Mama Tuesday, April 18 For Laurie who is headed into surgery today for a twisted knee icky: I feel for you. Just a week ago, I swerved to avoid a suddenly braking car. Unfortunately, there was a car in the left lane which chose that moment to brake too. I was able to slow down, but not enough to stop. I was thrown a short distance, ending up with a broken wrist, and injuring my right ACL. I had my helmet on, so was saved from far worse injury. The bike was messed up, but it should be fixable. But I'll be off the road for a long time, too. I just hope I have the courage to ride again when the time comes. Li in Florida (note from Mama: ok everyone, let's send up our prayers today for Laurie . . . she wrote me and said, "I know all those little prayer wings will get me up and at it in no time!!!" Li, I'm sorry to hear about the accident you were in and am sooooo thankful that your gear saved you from worse injury. We all send you our best wishes for the speediest recovery. Yes, get the bike fixed and if possible, have someone ride it every once in awhile so it doesn't gum up. IMHO your courage to ride again will form over time and you'll probably go through many "no" and "yes" periods. Even though these opposing feelings may seem weird and tiring (!), let it happen as this is your brain and gut working through it all. One thing you can do is to map out the steps you would take to regain confidence and have that plan ready when your body allows you to ride again. That way you're taking charge of the situation. And remember, the VTwin Mama Jitters Club and Accident Survivors Page of archived letters are there for you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Paula, What a horrible accident and result you have experienced. I am in awe of your courage over the last 9 months as you rebuild your strength, physical capabilities, and willingness to address the mental component of all of this. I need to preface my comments with a note that I am not trained in the area of any counseling professions, but will suggest some things you may wish to consider in your bid to ride again. As a person in their own right (as separate from anyone else), you have a mindset about the accident, the recovery, and your wishes for the future. If you were single, then even extended family and friends would have a viewpoint, but ultimately you would be "free" to choose for yourself. However, your husband and children add a layer to your experience that cannot be denied. As witnesses, they underwent a trauma on their own level, including a feeling of helplessness as they saw the event and the outcome. You are an important person to them. You husband "forbidding" you to try riding again is a natural reaction to never wanting to go through that again. It may be the only way he has of expressing his fear of the situation (potential loss of wife and mother to his children). He may have been leery of your riding right from the start, and now the fears are confirmed. He may have been supportive of your adventure, but now reading about such things in the paper has hit close to home. He may be a rider himself, and rethinking the sport because you have children at greater risk of losing a parent. I doubt it will do any good to point out that people have accidents in all sorts of way, as motorcycling is often considered an "optional" thing to get involved in. Most people need to drive a car for day-to-day life, but not a motorcycle. If your husband is a non-rider, he may or may not have a clear understanding of what your motorcycle riding has given/added to your life in terms of your own individuality. When you voiced your first thoughts on riding again, did you talk about what motorcycling means to you, what you've lost and wish to regain? Most people try to overcome the hurdles on their own and are hesitant to consider professional counseling (not for us/me, too expensive, what for, why should I, etc.). Still, if your husband refuses to talk it out on a meaningful level, you may wish to seek an accident survivors group, private couple's counseling or something similar. This would provide a place for both of you to have your say with a professional moderator on hand to guide the discussion to a useful exchange of thoughts and feelings (vs. it all reducing to screaming matches or angry silence). You could also explore the need to bring your children in at some point (depending on their ages). Part of this equation may also include your specific steps to riding again. That was a brand new bike, but it doesn't follow (necessarily) that you were a relatively new rider at the time. An honest review of your own skill level is important. Have you mapped out steps in your mind on how you would proceed? What steps could you add to show your family that you take your rider education/skill level seriously? Even as an experienced rider, an advanced course might be one of those steps. While motorcycle riding may provide an experience independent of anyone else for you, perhaps an interim period of choosing something that the whole family could participate in could be considered. For instance, if the whole family were to ride bicycles together, it would be a shared experience, and one in which safety issues can be addressed and shared, and the risk of being on the road "balanced" against the joy of pursing an enjoyable sport. Your desire and path is not easy, but is you who has to
be strong and clear on how the family can heal together and to map out the
steps to achieve that. Great courage is needed so that this doesn't get
shoved under the carpet for all time. If it means you attend counseling on
your own, consider it, as you don't want the anger of "being
forbidden" to fester either. I wish the best for you and your family
during this challenging time.
Mama Dear VTwin Mama, After passing the Canadian motorcycle safety course recently, female, 49, I rode a 750 Virago for 5 months . . . passed the ICBC road test and went out of town for 2 months. After coming home I was determined to ride with my Harley husband, so I sold the Virago and bought a new 1450cc Harley. All was going well. I rode my new ride for several months unscathed until one afternoon . . . yikes . . . he pulled out right as I followed but I managed to bump into his rear. I suppose I must have either geared up too quickly while shoulder checking left for oncoming traffic or he pulled out too far at first and corrected himself back into his lane while I was shoulder checking - it all happened too fast and although we were doing only 10 to 15 km's per hour at the time, the "bump" of my front tire hitting his right pipe was extensive!! Here's what happened (and consider always wearing leathers WHENEVER you ride). I was literally "popped" off the bike landing at a 45 degree angle on my helmet - FIRST POINT OF CONTACT. The rest of my body propelled itself laterally, along 6 lanes of a truck crossing highway flat on my stomach. I recall looking at my bike, upright and proud, clearing the path in front of me going non-stop as I slid "one on one" with the pavement. I still see this view in my mind today. After a minute or so it seemed, the bike eventually immersed itself into a 20 foot irrigation ditch which sides the highway and the agricultural fields where I live. How lucky was I to be able to pick myself up from the pavement and walk past the last couple of lanes to where I saw my bike disappear - no semi's to encounter regardless of it being rush hour at the time. And the gear I wore saved me from massive pain I am sure as my right hand leather glove grew raw on the palm to the lining. It took me forever to get my Harley out of the shop, which did not help my ego as I was happy for anything to delay myself getting back in that saddle again. The next ride, 4 months later, was the hardest thing I ever had to do to this day. I was shaking as I rode but I needed to do this. We would stop for gas and I could hardly hold the nozzle. I prayed for help. My husband is not the most supportive person I know and I couldn't go there for relief. I was alone and still am but I know I needed to push myself. Let's end this now by saying that I have been able to get over that hump - SOMEWHAT as I am still scared but I ride. I now KNOW that all things come with experience and by what VTwin Mama says is so completely true . . . just do it and keep on doing it! How I love this site!!! Scotka Dear Scotka, Hi VTwin Mama, Dear Amy, Thursday, May 25 Hi Mama, Dear Paula, Tuesday, May 30 For Maureen whose fear as a passenger is clouding her relationship: I understand exactly how you feel since I had the same problem but mine was with my hubby of many years. We had an accident on his Kawi 750 which I was a passenger on. I decided "we" would not ride anymore so he sold the bike. Much to his credit he never mentioned riding again although I knew it was in his thoughts. One Valentine's Day I gave him a card with a picture of a Harley inside it and told him he could get another bike. And I would ride with him on 2 conditions - 1. That he take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation class and 2. That he would be conscious of my fear every time we rode and would strive not to scare me. That same day we purchased a HD Sportster. He took the class and it turned his riding habits around 360 degrees. He also rode with extra caution with me to rebuild my confidence in his skills. Then 3 years ago my doctor suggested a new hobby to help me deal with depression from an under active thyroid under my new medicine helped. Hubby suggested learning to ride. So for my 44th birthday hubby got me an older model Honda Rebel 250 for my birthday and taught me the basics of riding. Then 2 months later for our 27th wedding anniversary he gave me the gift of attending the MSF class myself. I passed the class, got my endorsement and started riding on the highway. After 4 months he bought me a 2003 Yamaha VStar 1100 Classic for HIS birthday, which I ride now. During all this I've accomplished almost 18,000 miles. Not too bad from a girl who was terrified to ride as a passenger, huh? Sometimes the most empowering things come from our greatest fears. I agree with VTwin Mama - maybe it's time you faced the fear you have. And I guarantee you that your boyfriend will be thrilled at his "new" woman. Good luck! Mookie (note from Mama: there is nothing like a shared experience to help another rider understand that she is not alone. Thank you for taking the time to write this and congrats on your own accomplisments!) Monday, June 26 Hi Mama, I jut waned to thank you and the ladies on this site for encouragement. Have a great trip, and be safe. Terri Dear Terri, Dear VTwin Mama, Her bike is repairable and I am in the process of repairing it. She has been riding this bike (her third motorcycle) for about three years and loves it very much. She has said she will never ride again, but I hope she changes her mind. She would always come home from a ride in the countryside with a better outlook and high spirit, now matter what kind of bad day she had had. The accident occurred on the same street we live on and happened about 30 yards from her sister's driveway (her destination). Judging from the damage to the bike, the impact with the dog must have made the bike tumble. There were scrapes on the top of the handlebars, and sissy bar. Apparently, her body cushioned the bike's fall. Our community has a leash law, so Animal Control picked up the dog. My wife' name is Brenda Pettis and her e-mail is bpettis@alltel.net. Sincerely, Loren Pettis Dear Loren and Brenda, IMHO the mental healing is about time. Eventually the choice has to be made about riding again or selling the bike. There is no reason to push this decision too early. An experienced rider will at some point gaze upon the motorcycle and process all the good and bad and weigh the future risk choices. At the same time, an accident survivor has also been busy assessing what they may have done better (if possible), along with riding gear choices and the bike's set-up. For instance, I see from the picture that the bike does not have an engine guard (often called a highway bar). As this is an older picture, you may already have made this addition, but if not, consider it. If a bike goes down, it keeps the bike pitched at an angle and gives more time for the rider to get "from underneath" the bike and the whole weight of the bike will not land on the rider. As to gear, that might be a switch to always wearing a jacket and pants with built-in padding points at the most likely vulnerable body parts and are available in both lighter summer and heavier winter weights. I'm glad to hear that you are working on fixing the motorcycle Loren . . . having the bike in good running and cosmetic condition will allow Brenda to get back on should she wish to do so. Letting Brenda process the accident in her own good time is the best course of action otherwise. Mama Friday, July 7 Dear VTwin Mama, Thanks for the tips on the engine guard and riding gear. If you look closer at the (original) picture, you will see there is an engine guard, but no highway pegs. It did help to minimize the damage to the bike. Thankfully, the engine is not damaged, the frame and fenders are ok, and I believe the engine guard also prevented possible injuries to Brenda's legs. The helmet was also a life saver. Your humble opinion is always accepted graciously. [oops, yes, upon closer look I see the guard now . . . it wasn't immediately apparent as I was looking for something jutting out more!] You are also right about the need to wear proper riding gear. The picture was made just as we returned from Thunder Beach in Panama City Beach, Florida. It gets hot in the summer months here in middle Georgia. The temptation to stay cool is pretty great. I am already checking out what is available in summer riding gear. I already have some of the new parts to repair her bike and hope to be finished in a few weeks. If she returns to riding, I plan to work on her front braking technique. She uses the front brake perfectly to start on a hill or hold the bike in place when her right foot is down, but not for emergency stops. She has a tendency to lock up the rear tire (and subsequently fishtail). I had not pushed the issue, but will in the future. Thanks again, and thanks to all the readers who wrote to her. It really does help to brighten her spirits. By the way, for your readers enlightenment, Brenda is 4' 11" tall, but she feels 6 feet tall when she's riding her bike. Loren Pettis Dear Loren, I'll also add that while more protective riding gear has long been the province of sporty style clothing, I've now seen leather riding gear with the same protection built in. Our continued best wishes to Brenda's healing process, both physical and mental. Mama Hey Petra, Dear Susan, Dear VTwin Mama, Considering the circumstances, our injuries were fairly minor. My boyfriend had some minor road rash, and he was back on his bike about 10 days later. I have a broken elbow with more intensive road rash on my forearm and palm and wrist. The road rash could have been prevented. I was not wearing gloves, nor a leather jacket, just a long sleeve shirt. I got lazy and complacent in the heat of summer. I know better too because I'm an avid road cyclist as well. I've also gone down on my bicycle a few times. It will be a while before I will be physically able to ride a motorcycle or a bicycle. I will have to go to physical therapy for my elbow to work properly again. I've gone through a whole range of emotions because of this accident. The hardest has been forgiving myself. I know that I should have been better protected. Lucky for me that it wasn't worse. I know in the future I will wear a full-face helmet (I was wearing a 3/4 helmet), jacket and gloves and of course boots and perhaps more protective pants than jeans. Right now, I'm dealing with the new skin on my forearm and wrist. I've been using live aloe vera gel, 100% cocoa butter and vitamin e. I'm interested in preventing scarring as well as encouraging the pigment to come back. Right now the skin is a bright pink and very sensitive. The nurses told me the road rash was similar to a 2nd degree burn. Is there anyone out there who has suffered from road rash that can share how long it took for her skin to return to normal, what products are good use, etc. . . . any other useful information on dealing with this? Thanks, Michelle Dear Michelle, I'm sure during these last 5 weeks, you have been cycling through the 5 classic stages of grief. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)Anger (why is this happening to me?) Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...) Depression (I don't care anymore) Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) One of the most useful statements I've read about them is that they don't necessarily work through our minds one stage at a time . . . a person may experience some or all of the stages and actually bounce back and forth. In the forgiving process, you're tuning in to how you feel about the accident and making new choices for the future. Although it's said often enough . . . time will help you come to terms . . . I don't believe we've ever had postings at this site on specific road rash healing timelines and/or products. Although I did find (of course) a number of product suggestions on the Internet, directly related to motorcycle and mountain bike riding, overall it was suggested that the medical staff was in the best position to advise you. Are the products you are currently using the ones recommended by medical people? I did read in several places that emu oil is highly effective in promoting repair and reducing scarring and that making sure you are taking vitamins with B-complex, C, Zinc, A and E does make a difference. As I have never had to deal with road rash (knock on wood),
let's turn this over to readers who have been through the process and hear
about combinations they chose and what they learned about healing road rash.
Mama Friday, September 8 For Michelle who survived an accident and is working on healing road rash: I feel your pain, literally, sounds like you have the same
type of road rash and injuries that I had after a crash a few years ago. I
wish you all the best in your healing process, you will get there and be okay. Dear VTwin Mama, A car came up behind her. All I can figure is it spooked her, and she headed toward the right side of the road. Once she went beyond the pavement and hit gravel there was no way out (as I watched helplessly in my rear view mirror) her body slammed into the guardrail and she launched over it. I turned around quickly, the car behind her stopped -- my bike never completely stopped moving as I jumped off it -- so it fell over, I leaped over the guardrail and dropped to my knees, she was groaning terribly. Her right thigh was swollen like a tremendous balloon. People started appearing, I yelled for them to call 911 and an ambulance, which they did. I kept talking to my friend so she wouldn't lose consciousness. Finally the ambulance came and took her to the hospital, they had to remove her broken spleen and stabilize her to life flight her to the trauma hospital. Her femur was shattered, her right wrist busted up, and some vertebrae fractured -- so far that seems to be the most of it. She wore a helmet, we did everything right, but somehow this just happened. She is still in serious condition and in intensive care. Her bike is really not bad -- mostly cosmetic and busted off the throttle assembly, a little scraping along the guardrail, but that's about it. I know soon she will be angry and if there is any advice how to talk to her, anything I can say or know to help -- if it were me I know I'd be really angry, such a stupid little thing to so dramatically change my life. I know for me I will never forget what I saw, pray I never see that again. I've been a bit spooked lately, but not really about myself, just other drivers I guess. Thanks for letting me share this story. It has also caused me to look very closely at my insurance. Be VERY wary, most policies either don't offer medical (or very little) . . . they assume you'll use your health insurance, but check with your employer to make sure they don't EXCLUDE motorcycles -- always worth checking! Take care out there everyone, be careful and be safe! Motomaestra Dear Motomaestra, There is no doubt that she will be experiencing a wide range of emotions as she begins the process of coming to terms with what happened. As you noted, you can only guess at what actually happened and the sequence of choices she made in that moment. I think that's a big clue in talking with her when she is ready. She'll need to know that you are there for her, especially as her recovery is going to be a series of steps over a longer period, both physically and mentally. Let her introduce and lead any review and discussion of what happened. If she asks for your observations, keep it simple (I noticed the car, I saw you move in your lane, I realized you had gone off the road, I got the fastest aid I could). My thought is that offering guesses, what you would have done, too many details, etc. is not appropriate, especially in this early stage. Smiles and hugs go a long way to helping. The skill of just listening is really put to the test, but now is the time to do your very best at it. She will also be worried about day-to-day details of her life that need attention . . . if you can assist here, it will take a load off her mind (you don't mention if she is married or has family nearby). I think the single most important thing you can do is be true to your word. Whatever she asks for, and you agree to, or whatever you offer and she says thanks, yes, should be followed-up with no exceptions or excuses. While this sounds simple enough, long-term recovery is taxing to both the injured person as well as family/friends. All of us have had life events where we are on the giving and receiving end of help. We not only find out exactly how much each person in our lives is willingly to be there for us, but as givers, what our own limitations are. Recognize your inner boundaries without apology. As a witness to the crash you are an accident survivor in a way as well. This means you are going through the stages of grief as well. Any should have, could have thoughts and emotions you are going through should be shared with another friend rather than your injured friend. In writing this letter to the VTwin Mama site, I feel you are beginning that process. Recounting the story by writing it out is one way to "get it out." Wouldn't it be nice if life came with a manual so that these
horrific events could be meet with greater clarity and confidence in how to
talk about and work through things? Well, I'm sure one of the most important
sections would simple state that a friend sticks around. I recall in helping a
friend once that I felt like I was fumbling in my efforts and told her so. Her
reply was that maybe that was how I felt, but the reality for her was that I
was there, fumbled words and everything. And that's the bottom line.
Mama For Motomaestra who witnessed an accident of a dear friend: I really feel for you and your friend. What a horrible thing to have happened! I hope she recovers quickly. I can give you both some advice, because I am going through a similar situation. Back in April, a truck pulled out in front of me on a 4-lane road. I was able to swerve into the left lane to miss the truck, but unfortunately, the SUV in that lane chose that exact moment to stop to turn left. I wasn't able to stop completely and hit the rear end of the SUV, came off the bike, sprained my right knee and shattered my left wrist. 4.5 months and two surgeries later, I have most of the functionality back in my wrist, but it will always be scarred and crooked. The bike was a lot easier to fix! I've gone the full range, from shock right after the accident, to tears, to feeling helpless and finally, to being so angry at myself for making such a poor decision. There's probably not a lot you can say to help with those feelings, but just being there to listen and encourage will go a long way. For a while, she will need a shoulder to cry on and someone to hug her a lot, too. I hope she won't be angry at you for taking her out riding, but be prepared for that possibility. Your friend was lucky (yeah, I know, sounds weird) in one respect -- the injuries to her leg and wrist are on the same side. That sounds crazy, but she'll at least be able to use a crutch on the left side to get around. I had a really tough time, because I needed a crutch on the left side to help with walking for a while, but couldn't use my left hand. In practical terms, she will probably have a lot longer recovery period than I did, as her injuries were more extensive and severe. However, I can tell you a couple of things I went through that may help her out. First, when you only have one hand, you find out very quickly how difficult everyday tasks really are, especially when you have a cast to keep dry! Everyday tasks will be really, really difficult and frustrating for a while. You would be amazed how hard it is to wash your hair, dress yourself, tie your shoes, or open a bottle or can of soda (or anything else that needs opening). The worst thing (and it's funny now, but not so then) was not being able to put on a bra! That was such a struggle. I was so relieved when I got some minimal functionality back and didn't have such a hard time getting dressed. I needed a lot of help for a couple of weeks, but it gradually got better, and I savored every "new" accomplishment. My story at least has a happy ending. After four months, I was able to get back on my beloved Sportster and ride again! I can't go as far as I used to right now, but I'm working up slowly. I was very, very nervous about riding in traffic and in particular going fast (over 45) and getting close to vehicles in front of me, but that is also improving, slowly. I don't know if your friend will ever want to ride again, but either way, I wish her a speedy and complete recovery. Best wishes, Li in Florida (note from Mama: thanks for sharing important details of your state-of-mind and physical recovery realities. This is sure to assist Motomaestra in helping her friend.) Monday, October 2 Hi, Thank you, also, Li for your input -- she has not yet expressed anger at me -- don't know if that will happen in time, perhaps on a terribly frustrating day, hard to say -- but I appreciate that at least knowing it can happen will not blindside me. My friend is a physician herself, so her knowledge of what she will experience, of what is going on with her body and what it will take to recover is quite clear to her, which I believe also adds to her frustration -- she is an athlete, just ran a huge marathon -- and nothing in her life is ever sedentary. She does have family members who are staying with her at her home when she returns, at least for a few days, anyway. She lives alone, so I know we have a large group of friends that will pull together and help her out with whatever we can. I'm still quite jumpy myself, but rode my bike on Wednesday because I felt it was important. It's just really difficult to get that whole event out of my head -- I'm constantly replaying so many of the moments and images, amazing how things like this have an effect you could never imagine . . . In any case, I did want to say thanks to you both, and to everyone else who has gone through difficulties -- good luck, and lots of prayers! Motomaestra Dear Motomaestra, You are very brave and very smart to get back on your own bike as quickly as possible. I know this was a hard step and am not surprised to hear that the sequence replayed itself in your mind. I will share that as an accident survivor myself, even after 15 years, I sometimes will still be approaching a high speed tight S-curve, where I made my mistake, and relive it in terms of paying extra-strict attention to every detail of the road, my body position, etc. The fear level at first was high, but over time lessened to a simple review. It will never leave me, but I have come to terms with it. So take heart in that it's normal for the jitters to be
with you for awhile. This heightened sense of emotions can be used to
strengthen your riding focus and serve you well in the future. Lessons
learned are exactly that . . . lessons learned. No more, no less.
Mama Tuesday, October 3 Dear VTwin Mama, This is what was posted on my WOW Desert Zephyrs forum about my experience . . . My Friends, today is the 18 month anniversary of my accident and I rode on my own for the first time since March 31, 2005. I have been thinking about this and trying to figure out how to deal with my fears and the longing I have had not being able to ride. Riding had truly become part of my soul and I was going crazy. I could barely stand to watch friends ride while I followed in my car. Last week, after following friends home from a ride to Globe, I decided enough was enough and it was time to see what I was really made of. I have been saying I wasn't going to let Fear take away something I loved. It was time to face it. I was so scared I couldn't be able to do this even though I wanted it so very badly . . . I made arrangements to borrow a Honda 650 Shadow from a friend. Betty honored me by loaning me her Baby (she's never let anyone else ride her). The main thing I've been worried about is holding a bike up with my bad legs. One leg was almost torn off and the other has ligament damage. I have to walk with a cane and use a brace to help get around, so the strength factor is an issue. I asked to use the Shadow because its a lot lighter than my former bike, a 650 V star. After a very restless and sleepless night Worm (who is the bestest riding sister anyone could ever have in my book) arrived and we made our game plan. She rode the bike to a nearby church parking lot and I followed in the truck. The time had finally come for me to try my wings. I got on it, reacquainted myself with where everything was and talked myself thru the start up. Settled myself in the seat with a determined butt wiggle, took a deep breath and a gave quick prayer to the motorcycle spirits. I eased off the front brake, slowly engaged the clutch, gave it some throttle and took off. I was amazed . . . No stalls, no jumps, no kicks . . . just a slow smooth easy start. I rode around the parking lot doing some stopping, some wide turns, practicing the look where you want to turn theory, braking and just getting a feel for the bike after being gone for so long. OMG!!! I cant tell you how if felt to be doing this on my own again. I was still scared but Damn it felt good!!! After about 15 mins I pulled up and talked to Worm about how it felt and what we would do next. We'd decided we'd ride around the neighborhood. I rode home, Worm picked up her bike and off we went. We traveled the side streets for about 10 mins and the next thing I know Im on the highway entrance rolling on the throttle and heading towards Florence 30 miles away. Side streets??? I don't want no stinkin side streets!! YEEEWWW!!!!!!! HAWWWWWW !!!!!!!! I had her up to 70 cruising down the highway and it the feeling was way beyond anything I can describe. This was the rush I had been working towards for the last 18 months, the feel of the air over me, the sound of the bike, the freedom of movement, I was back in Flight!!!! I led for a while then motioned Worm up to take the lead . . . I wanted to see if I could hold my lane, riding in formation and I did!!! We headed for a celebratory breakfast in Florence. Upon arrival Worm told me that if she hadn't been thru all of this with me she never would have known I hadn't been riding, I looked that comfortable with what I was doing. She said I looked like I had ridden yesterday. This was a major deal for me my friends.. I have dreamed and worked towards this day for a long long time. My goal, from the time I first regained coherent thoughts, was to ride again. In fact, while I was still in ICU, we guesstimated how long it would be before I would be able to try, the consensus was 12 to 18 months and I made the deadline!!!! This goal has kept me going through those deep dark nights when I thought nothing could ever be right in my world again. 7 surgeries and 18 months my dream came true!!! I could not have done it with out all the love and support I received. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about what everyone has done for me. Thank you my friends, you are the best!!! I feel like I've finally gotten to take back a part of my life and I have some control right now. There is a down side to this . . . the riding monster is back!!!!! lol Ill have to bribe, beg and plead with Betty to borrow her Baby again!!!! I have riding limitations to deal with. I'm gonna have to get another brace for my right ankle and knee, my right leg (the one I almost lost ) wants to roll off the peg and I have to struggle to hold it in place while I ride. 60 miles was enough to start with. I'll have to build my legs and butt back up to those 350 mile days, maybe get a gel seat cushion like the one in my wheel chair to help with the pain cause I'm hurting big time even with all the pain meds I took before and after the ride. I need to figure out how to bungee my cane on to a bike and last but not least, I remember what riding with out a windshield is like . . . OUCH!!!! Bugs still sting when you get splattered in the chest at 65mph lol Once again I want to say thank you for what you and your readers have done for me. I know I can't ever pay it back but I can pay it forward. I've been told what I've done is nothing short of a miracle and I'm an inspiration, but my goal was to ride again and I was willing to do what it took to get me there. I try to look for something good out of what ever happens in our lives and if my accident and the story of it helps someone along the way in their recovery then something good has come from it. fly far fly safe everyone, Kathleen, aka BlkRaven Dear BlkRaven, I know you still have challenges in front of you, but
there is no doubt in my mind that you'll meet each one head on with the
same grit and determination you showed over the last 18 months. The
biggest of hugs to you!
Mama Dear VTwin Mama, The reason I am writing is because I read everyday about accidents and deaths related to motorcycles, and yet I cannot find any support for friends and families who have lost their loved ones. I have nothing against motorcycles- please know that. I just feel so sad and I think there are many out there who feel the same. I was thinking of starting a website and/or support/grief group for friends and families who have lost someone to a motorcycle related injury or accident. I was wondering what you think of this idea. 99% of all the accidents I hear about happen to men and so I was wondering about your perspective as a woman in the biker community. Please know that I am just a normal, grieving sister who has lost her baby brother and I just want to talk to some others who have been through what I am going through- and maybe offer support or help to others who are grieving too. If you know of any support groups for this, I would love to know- I can't seem to find any. Thank you so much for your time.: ) Carolyn Dear Carolyn, To date I have never found an Internet site that gives everyone a place to gather. This is about to change and your timing couldn't be better. VTwin Mama sister Susan (in NJ) and I had been emailing about the very concept of what it would take to put together a site. I'm happy to report that Susan is just weeks away from launching Biker Haven, a place to rest and heal. Susan has one of the kindest hearts and her previous responses to accident survivor letters has showed her caring nature and well-thought out advice. This is not to dissuade you from launching your own effort. My suggestion, however, is that you wait to see what Susan, a motorcycle rider, will be doing. Your input as a family member would be invaluable to her efforts. I think having input from all sides will make the site an excellent resource for everyone. I just received some details from Susan: "Biker Haven is basic in its structure
at the moment, as I just want to get it up. I dont know what the website
address will be right now and will get that to you ASAP. So, there we
have the beginning details and I'll will be updating readers as more information
comes in. The link will be displayed on my Accident
Survivors page when ready.
Mama Monday, October 9 For Carolyn who is thinking of starting a motorcycle accident gathering site: Not to take away from Biker Haven at all, but have you tried Yahoo Groups? I didn't see any existing group, but there may be something to fit the bill, or you can absolutely start a group of your own. My condolences on the loss of your brother, Li in Florida (note from Mama: I decided to check Yahoo Groups but only found one site from a gal who was a motorcycle passenger involved in a horrible accident with a car: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/autoaccidentsurvivors/messages/1. I agree that Carolyn could start her own effort as well as check out the soon-to-launch Biker Haven or this other posting. To date I have not found any other gathering place online.) Saturday, October 14 Mama, Dear jojo, Tuesday, November 14 Hi Petra, The screwy thing is, I am not afraid of the bike, but am afraid to drive my car. I think it may be because I was told by 2 different staties that being on my bike is what saved me. Ever heard of this? I do know that people think I am crazy to ride again, but it was not my fault I wrecked, it was the idiot that crossed the center line. Of course, the first ride I took had to be a hundred miler. I do not see me staying off a bike again as long as I did once. Susan Dear Susan, It's an interesting point about driving your car now . . . there is no doubt that the observations made by those state cops had an influence on your viewpoint. Of course it's impossible to look back and say that if you had been in a car that the outcome would have been better/worse . . . although that may in fact have been their conclusion, it also might have been statements designed to minimize the mental trauma of being on a bike when that idiot crossed the line and caused the accident. So, statements made to let you know that you did your very best given that you were on a motorcycle and they were genuinely impressed with how you handled the situation overall. Just a thought. Joy to you as you continue riding! Mama Monday, November 20 New Website for Accident Survivors Dear Readers, On the site you will find room to post stories, prayers, tributes, memorials, and reflections.</ |
