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Jitters Home
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2004 (August to December) Wednesday, August 4 Dear Mama, Dear
Soccermom, Although I cannot speak from experience of
having children, I feel that there is an extra component to your riding, in
that you have children who are counting on you to be there, and there is
always an inherent risk in riding. Thus, I can see where your questions on
length and timeline of the “fear factor” are high on your list of
“what’s what.” The key to minimizing fear and becoming
the best rider possible is practice. If traffic makes you nervous, then stay
out of it until you are better prepared. You can do this by choosing quieter
times of the day to get the bike to an empty parking lot for practice. If
you’re ready for traffic, but have the jitters, then preplan a route by car
so you can gauge any road construction, blind curves, really icky traffic
lights, etc. Dear
VTwin Mama, But today, today was the day I have been waiting for. We rode together. He was grumpy when I asked, and said rotten things like "why, so I can watch you die?" and then "so I can get my $5,000 dollars worth?" but I totally ignored him and kept asking, "can we go riding together?" He finally said, "fine, for a half hour." I told him no thruway, and that I didn't want to go over 45, and not roads that were too winding. I got 1 out of 3 - we didn't go on the thruway. He was kind of way ahead of me most of the time, almost like he was daring me to keep up and waiting for his prophesy to come true, but I plodded along and used him as a tool to get through those curves. My MSF instructor taught me to look through the curves to where I want to come out, so I kept Michael in my sights and focusing on him got me through them okay. Towards the end he started getting a bit more protective - pointing out danger spots, pulling over to wait when I missed a light. he was still kind of impatient and grouchy when we pulled into the garage - he was into the house before I got my bike turned off, but . . . it's a start. We have a whole summer. Thank you, and thank you everybody for all your kind words of encouragement. Re:
redneck - I got called worse - already! I rode my bike to work last
week, and a co-worker saw me getting ready to leave in the parking lot.
She was totally thrown. She said, "you do all these feminine things
- you are an amazing quilter, you make costumes for the local high school
musical every year, this just doesn't fit!" I asked her how she
could think that this was not feminine - lot's of women ride - so that makes
it feminine. With that, I put on my lipstick, put on my helmet, put on
my gloves, and rode off. I am writing to all you other newbies out there who are just starting to ride, or just thinking of starting to ride. I have been riding for about 6 weeks and 400 miles now, and today I again remembered how incredibly valuable my MSF course was. Because of the fine teaching of Nick, Bob and Greg, today I did NOT become the cream filling in a metal sandwich. So many of my fellow students complained about ALL THAT CLASSROOM TIME. Well, there is a reason for it - I am living proof, and my little Angel is too. I was just turning left at a busy intersection onto a street that has one lane each way. A car was poking out of the first driveway, so I didn't take the turn too fast so I could leave space between me and the driver in front. I was taught to assume that he wouldn't see me, so I honked my horn a lot and planned an escape route in case he still didn't see me. He didn't. He stopped - almost too late, and I just did a quick swerve through the tiny space between his nose and the car in oncoming traffic that was waiting at the light. I heard/felt a soft bump, but when I pulled over for a look there was nothing. It must have been a light contact with my saddlebag. Thanks to SEE - Search/Evaluate/Execute - I got out scratch free. The moral of the story is, all the practice in parking lots with your other, your spouse or your pal is not going to make up for all those safety rules that the MSF teachers pound into your head in the classroom. Today I am stronger, braver, and humbler, and I am glad that I learned that lesson in class so that I wouldn't learn it under a car. Take the time, spend the money, and take the class - even if you have been riding for a while. Stay safe, – Annie B. Dear
Annie B., It reminds me that we, as individuals,
always have a choice. We choose. We choose how to react, we choose how to view
an event, we choose how to conduct ourselves in the face of adversity. And you
have done this beautifully. You take the high road and let the
"stuff" fall away. WOW! That you’ve stuck to the majority of
your game plan in practice time and taking on new challenges is an inspiration
to us all! And your message to new, as well as experienced riders, about the
importance of taking some sort of riding course, is much appreciated. It’s
one we simply can never get tired of repeating. Riding takes skill. Riding takes practice.
Riding takes clear-headed thinking. Riding takes dedication. It is not a game,
but it sure is fun when it’s done well! Saturday, August 14 Hi
VTwin Mama, With the respect and yes, FEAR, I ride with much more awareness of what is going on around me. When I mount my motorcycle, I always have the attitude that "everyone else is out to get me." I'm afraid of them, they can hurt me much more than I can ever hurt them. I'm always looking for an "out," a way to avoid that person who IS going to pull out in front of me. I NEVER let go of my fear completely, and I NEVER let my guard down, and I always RESPECT that everyone else is much bigger than me and push come to shove, I would be the one in the ambulance (or worse). As much as we all enjoy motorcycling, we must always remember that this can be a somewhat dangerous sport/hobby/way of life that we have taken on. Treat it as such and always take precautions. And hold on to a little bit of your fear, it may save you one day. Enjoy your website, can't imagine how much time you must spend on it each day. Thanks so much for your commitment to it. – Tracy Dear
Tracy, The "fear factor" has been discussed before, as many of the subjects posted here are of an ongoing nature, and your viewpoint is not the first time I've heard of having a healthy respect for fear. Perhaps it was even you, in the past, who pointed it out! I know that for myself, I am constantly scanning front, back, left, right, trying to discern that which may prove dangerous for me and the bike. Of course, with many miles under my belt, it's more subconscious or second nature now than in my early days of riding, but always with me. Always. Your letter is a good reminder that good riders keep the danger in mind as getting bitten in the ass is absolutely no fun. – Mama Saturday, August 14 For Annie B. and her continuing adventure in riding: Annie B is my new hero. I had the "rock" of a hubby, who was almost too enthusiastic, and I had nowhere near the perseverance and drive and determination that she has. She is an amazing lady from whom we can all take a lesson! And one more note: whether riding is feminine or not is immaterial. Men and women alike do things that are feminine and masculine, respectively. So what. We're all unique. What struck me though, was that things like quilting and making theatrical costumes (as mentioned by the coworker) take acquired knowledge, patience and attention to detail, as does safely operating a motorcycle. Sounds like a perfect "fit" to me. For Sparkle who wants the Valkyrie, but is it too big?: Size doesn't always matter, and can be so deceiving. My MSF instructors both rode Valkyries, and both taught the advanced class where people bring their big cruisers. They were a husband and wife team and she was small...5'2" or less because I didn't have to look up at her...and not terribly muscular or anything, just average. But she knew how to ride. She eventually moved on to something else but that was only because of a physical problem that required a different seating position for longer rides. But she just adored that Valkyrie. And missed it once it was gone. Lastly, a personal update: My bike (the Virago) had 900 miles on it when I bought it and it just turned 3000 miles. Over 2000 of those were mine! Somebody pinch me, I'm having way too much fun not to be dreaming. Ride safe, ladies! – Linda C. (note from Mama: thanks for the messages of support to both Annie B. and Sparkle and for sharing your own personal update . . . I remember when you first starting writing in and you've been such a great sister at this site and I am soooo proud of all your accomplishments! Way to go! On an added note for Sparkle . . . let's not forget that there is the Ride Like a Pro for the Ladies video out now that shows a woman rider on a BIG HONKING bike and how to handle the slow stuff, etc. It's so highly recommended and I wanted to mention it yet again.) Dear
VTwin Mama, Dear
Annie B., My, my, my . . . who would have predicted that Michael, your hubby, would come around?! But of course, it was your determination to show him what you're really made of that is responsible for that. Thank goodness he has enough charity and spirit of heart to begin to see what's what! But then you probably knew he was capable of it. Sigh. That's marriage for you! Now, be careful of taking on too much in a push to please him. Neither he nor you will be happy if something happens when you take on more than you can chew. You've got a lifetime ahead of you to ride . . easy does it . . . stick with your battle plan of small steps. And when you've got 6 months or 3,000 miles of good, solid riding time in, consider going for the advanced course given by MSF. This would be another good step and you use your own bike. Well worth checking out now! Maybe you could take it together? – Mama Hi
VTwin Mama, For 2 years, I rode on the back with my husband and loved every minute of it. He had been encouraging me to get my license for about a year and told me he would buy me a bike if I did. So, last month I took the MSF course, got my license and we picked out a brand new 883c Sportster Custom. Today I went out on my first ride, starting out in a huge empty parking lot. I got comfortable very quickly and was really having a blast. My husband asked if I thought I could ride it back home and I surely thought I could. Well, I came to a somewhat busy road, and I did not negotiate a left turn well at all and I hit the curb and went down. I was fine except for a scraped knee, but my bike had a scrape and dent in the pipe from the edge of the curb, and the rear brake controls were knocked loose. My husband was following behind me in his truck and he thought I would want him take the bike the rest of the way home, but I picked myself and the bike up and took it home myself. It seems that just about everyone drops their bike at some point during the learning phase, so I'm trying not to beat myself up for doing so. It is a wake up call though that an hour of practice in a parking lot is a good start, but once you get out in traffic, there are so many things to think about all at once. I got distracted and didn't pay enough attention to executing my turn. Next practice session -- left turns starting from a complete stop! – Diane Dear
Diane, Monday, August 16 For Annie B. and her grouchy husband: I ride , but my hubby does not. But he supports me and tells me he worries every time I go out. Maybe your husband just worries about you when you ride and doesn't exactly show it in the correct way. We all have heard or seen the horrific things that can happen to people that ride. I myself on more then 1 occasion had to sit back and say wow, glad that wasn't me, but it doesn't stop you from thinking about loved ones. Every time my father goes out riding I worry bout him (he dumped a bike a year ago). But like you said, to me it sounds like your hubby may be coming around. Maybe you can find some other women *or men* in your area that you could ride with. There are ton of people out there that can help you and give you some support !! I think its a great thing you are doing. I love the fact that more and more women are stepping forward and taking the bull by the horns so to speak and learning to ride. No longer are women just the passenger!! Ride on!! Live to Ride , Ride to Live!!!! – Tara (note from Mama: I think that worry is always with us as so much can happen "out there," don't you think?! And yes, not all people have a natural gift for saying what is really on their minds . . . it seems to come out all wrong . . . but we can sometimes read between the lines to discern the true message.) Wednesday, August 18 Dear
VTwin Mama, But the big step is learning to ride her. I rode a 1978 Sporty but I dropped it and now it’s got me spooked. Not to mention that it doesn’t belong to me but instead to a girlfriend (but I am paying for anything I broke) it was my first time on a bike other than a dirt bike (90 Yamaha) that was my son’s, it was so small I had full control. So now I have gotten back up on the Sporty one time since the accident but I just don’t feel comfortable trying to learn to ride on some else’s bike. I don’t know what to do now, should I continue to learn to ride on the Sporty? Got any words of encouragement? – Connie Valderas Dear
Connie, It might also be useful to investigate riding courses (they fill up quick) for the beginning of the next season. I'm not sure what putting back your hubby's previous bike entails (!), but if you think he's right about learning something, then go for it! People like to share their expertise and trust me on this, you'll be glad you know where stuff is if you break down somewhere by yourself. It's helpful to know if you need duct tape, prayer, or a strong signal for your cell phone! I'm proud of you for telling me what ails your mind, but now it's time to have the courage to say what YOU need to your immediate circle. Pronto. Go. – Mama Thursday, August 19 For Annie B. and the comment about being feminine AND riding: I had to laugh when I read this post! I rode my Sportster to work last summer. My boss made a comment about how "interesting" it was to him that I rode a bike with the "pink" nails and "pink" lipstick. Yeah! I am a girlie, girlie, girl. Is that OK???? I had dreams of riding a motorcycle since I was in my twenties. This is my third season and I am now in my 40's. It took a long time getting there.....a marriage of 22 years that wasn't supportive of me. But, Lo and Behold....I married Bruce on July 17th. He has been a mentor and supporter of this. I love riding a motorcycle. It empowers me and gives me confidence. Oh, Bruce wasn't perfect. He was sometimes demanding and he yelled a lot. But, this was about ME! I persevered and here I am! I rode a Sportster for 2 years and am now riding a Heritage Softail Classic (Annie Pearl). I love feeling the wind in my face! Today, I was speaking to a female Director of our company. She said to me, "I hear you are a motorcycle buff." I replied, "Yeah, something I always wanted to do...call a mid-life or late life crisis. But, here I am" She said to me, "You are an inspiration to me!" WOW! I work for a Fortune 100 Company as a Financial Analyst. I have dealt with different reactions to me riding. Most of the negative has been from people that are ignorant. They don't mean malice, they just don't understand and are afraid. I have been through a lot since learning to ride. I have dropped my bike many times. Up until this year, I was mortified. But, you get over it! This past weekend Bruce and I met a couple from Canada. She was riding and obviously proud of it. I shared with her (right off the bat) that I had dropped my bike. Joked about all the tail lights, a clutch handle, and brake lever. She really opened up after that. Told me how she had dropped her bike. Then, we were kindred spirits. I read a lot of posts...they say that there are those of us that will drop a bike at some time and those of us that have. Because of this site, I am never afraid to share that. This site allows me to reach out to other motorcyclists that I meet. Both Male and Female. I have met some terrific people and broaden my horizons because of motorcycling. I have read stories of other women that have both touched and enlightened me. Sometimes, when I get cramps in my hands or legs, it scares me. The first thing I think is "Oh no!!! Is this going to impact my motorcycle riding? Then, I read about these women in their 70's who are riding. That is going to be me!!!! I want to ride longer....or as long as I can. I think of that poem about......."do not go gentle into the night". I am not going....I am riding as long as I can. I love it! Petra, thanks for an awesome site! You do such wonderful things for us women! Thanks to all the women that write here! I am so proud of you all and proud to be a women rider! – Shani (note from Mama: I always say that it's tons more fun to open your mouth, admit what's gone wrong, share what you're learning, and you'll find people who are just jazzing to share too! Some people don't want to appear silly or stupid, but I think within our "small" community, i.e. percentage of people that ride vs. those that don't, that we do better by admitting our ickies and ouchies. We learn so much, especially that we ARE NOT ALONE! And that in itself is a great triumph!) Sunday, August 22 For Linda C. who offered support to Sparkle about the Valkyrie: Between you and Mama, the decision has been made to get a Valkyrie!! I knew I could count on you all for unbiased opinions. What an awesome group of women we are!!! After reading Mama's advice I went to a neighbor who owns a Valkyrie Interstate, just wanted to see if I could lift the darn thing. Came away yelling HELL YEAH! Gotta get me one! Thanks to you both...now I just have to find one in my local area...oh well, something else to think about. Thanks again Ladies!! For Annie B. and her riding adventure: Please, please ride your own ride! I've been in that awful position of trying to please or impress or whatever it is (the husband), and one day decided I'd no longer try to keep up.....I'll see ya when I get there attitude. It didn't take long till I could keep up....curves and all....and I'm still in one piece. Please don't let your man intimidate (I don't think they mean to) but it happens. Go your own speed, it all comes in time. Guaranteed! You come first! RIDE YOUR OWN RIDE.........This is one of the first things I remember reading on this site, 3 yrs ago! – Sparkle (note from Mama: it is indeed a message said over and over on this site, and always well worth repeating.) Sunday, August 22 For Diane who dropped her bike but got right back on: I am so glad I am not the only “nubie” that went down last Saturday. I did exactly the same thing as Diane – pulled out into heavy traffic doing a left hand turn on my new Honda Shadow Aero. I was fortunate that I ended up going down in soft grass. However, I did hit my ribs against the handle bars as I went down. I was hurting, so my experienced partner took me home on his bike and came back to get mine. What a lesson. I’m sure that while I was panicking with all the traffic and going around the corner, that I was looking down and not out into the curve. I’m retreating to my Kawasaki 250 (it’s really old, but a great training bike) for a short time to re-learn taking those left hand corners before I try my new bike again. – Carol (note from Mama: learning can be tough and glad to hear that you'll be doing some more practice . . . which I see more as regrouping rather than retreating!) Dear
VTwin Mama, I may be more nervous than usual because I have so much to lose in my life. My life has never been better and now my life partner is pregnant and we are expecting a baby. So when I ride now, in the back of my mind I think I shouldn't be doing this. But I love it! Most fun things in life are risky, I know, but how can I find that balance in my mind that tells me have fun but be careful and come home safe? I have a lot of "what if's" going on in there. Is this "normal"? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, – Loathsome Lisa Dear
Lisa, True, you love to ride. But I'm also hearing that your gut reaction to this new phase in your life may not be as compatible with your normal riding "habits" any more. Life does change and so do responsibilities. Yes, it's normal to experience hesitation, nervousness and a jumble of all sorts of feelings with such a big change coming. You do not mention in your letter if your life partner has broached this subject with you . . . made any side remarks or outright demands about your riding. Perhaps it's not an issue as she trusts your riding abilities and knows that you will do your utmost to be safe. Riding is always risky, but as you point out, so are so many other things. This then is what I suggest: sit down with the person who means so much to you and have an honest conversation. It's time. Consider the many options available to you: stop riding altogether for the rest of your life, stop riding for a short time until the baby is born and you are adjusted to a degree agreeable to both of you, or don't stop riding but shorten up your trips and go when traffic is lighter so you get your ya-yas out. I can't help but wonder if somehow you are asking if "true" long time riders ever stop riding. They do. For any number of reasons. And for varying amounts of time. You are not alone. Now go and have that conversation and weigh the risk factors together. I'm betting you'll know what to do then. – Mama I had the same problem Lisa is having, except I had it this weekend. Been riding for 15 years, graduating from a 250 to a 500, and currently a Virago 750. Took a trip to a bike rally about 90 min from home. It wasn't my first long trip; I've taken my bike for 4-5 hour trips before. But for some reason, this time going on the drive made me really, really nervous. Managed to make it there ok, but once we hit the fairground where the rally was, I slipped and managed to drop my bike (nothing bad, I was hardly moving). And of course I did it in front of roughly 50 people or so. I didn't make a big deal (although I felt like a moron in front of all these male bikers), my fiancé picked up the bike, got it out of the way, and parked it for me. Way home was a different story. I made it about 45 min home, and just felt like I couldn't drive it anymore. All I could think of was all the things that could happen, I could dump the bike again, I could take a turn the wrong way, I couldn't keep up speed wise with my fiancé. Anxiety, I know. I pulled over, my fiancé followed, and I just broke into tears from the stress of riding. We parked my bike, and he took me home on the back of his ride. We went back next day and he drove my bike home for me. When we got home, he said that he felt that my bike was too top heavy; that if it had a lower center of gravity it would be much easier to ride. And he also said that if we ever made it to Daytona for Bike Week (which I want to do in the next 2 or 3 yrs), I would need a bigger bike engine size as well. So here is the question I pose to the ladies (and any of those who are vertically challenged like me). My fiancé has his eye on a V-Star 1100. He said that we could lower it, get a custom seat, and the seat height would end up being around 22 inches (my current is 26 inches). Has anyone out there ridden this bike, had it lowered at all? And does low center of gravity have that much to do with riding a bike comfortably? I can't afford a Harley, so the VStar seems like then next logical choice (and I do love the looks of it). I just don't want to sink the $$ into it if it's a behemoth that I won't be able to drive with some confidence. Good luck to Lisa, whatever decision you make will be the right one. – Jewel : ) (note from Mama: gosh sister, you've been through the wringer. Thanks for letting Lisa know she is NOT ALONE! If you look at my Motorcycles for Short Riders list, you'll see the VStar 1100 listed for a 5'4" gal who likes it and she didn't alter it in any way. Not that you are short, but in terms of a bike that is lower, this might not be a bad choice. You might also consider calling around and see which dealers rent out bikes for the day so that you can try some others out! You've got the time/experience in riding to handle this on short putts to see, so why not?!) Wednesday, August 25 Dear
VTwin Mama, I registered for a local Poker Run this past weekend. I pulled out with a group of about 20 guys (ALL guys, no women?!) on mostly Harleys or choppers of various makes, and proceeded to ride in this pack to the 2nd stop for a card. We were going down a road posted at 40mph and these guys started passing me doing easily 65 or 70mph. Revving their engines and swinging into the oncoming traffic to pass me by. It is tempting - whether you know better or not - to speed up and join "the pack" when you're in this kind of situation, but I just let 'em go by. You just can't let someone's stupid behavior on a bike make you abandon the good sense you have on a bike! If you're comfortable doing 40 or 45 in a 40 zone, then by gosh don't let the moron on the bike revving his engine OR the car riding your bumper force you into stepping outside either the speed limit OR your comfort zone. Ride YOUR ride - you're out there because you love riding and enjoy the freedom and pure JOY of riding, not to impress the guy next to you with your bike or speed. This is about YOU and you ride to enjoy and to ride another day. Riding is sometimes a fearful thing, but it is a fearfully wonderful thing if you're careful. The day you get on your bike and no longer feel a bit of trepidation - when you quit thinking, "If I'm not careful I really can get hurt on this thing" - is they day you need to put that helmet on a shelf and ride no more. That tiny bit of fear just under the surface, that recognition every time you round a curve that it takes only a microsecond of inattention to go off the road, is what keeps you safe and gets you home at the end of the day to your loved ones, ready to ride another day. That fear is a gift. – Susan S. in Decatur, AL Dear
Susan, Wednesday, August 25 From Lisa who is going through awesome life changes and has concerns about riding: I'm alive and the ride was awesome! I was super tense the first day because it was foreign to me but the second day I was one with my Star. The roads were gorgeous, just like those TV ad roads for car commercials. I appreciate your feedback Petra and am so very glad that you and the site are here for us. Take good care. – Lisa (note from Mama: yahoo, a good ride, and food for thought as well!) Dear
VTwin Mama, Dear
Judy, I can understand that it seems like people are out to judge you, but how about viewing it this way . . . they see a strong, determined woman on a motorcycle taking her first steps to being a full-fledged rider. They are in awe because they know that not everyone chooses this! Any oopsies they witness are simply watching a greater rider in the making! Adopt a big grin that says, "here I am, and I'm going to do it, despite my beginning mistakes." Then keep at it! – Mama Sunday, September 5 For Ladykruzer who talked about her jitters: When I read your post, it made me think of my SO. He is very good to me, and very encouraging, but he is also an excellent rider. He seems to have a knack for riding, and makes it look SO easy. Makes me feel like when I get on my bike I'm klutzy and awkward. I can't take turns as fast or as tight as he can, I can't swerve like he can. And when I lead, I feel badly cuz I'm keeping him from riding as fast as he feels comfortable. And now I'm more challenged because I just went from a Virago 750 to a V-Star 1100 (which is absolutely beautiful and I love her!!!). My new bike is much heavier, and I don't touch the ground as well yet (waiting for my drop kit to be delivered to help me out there). But when I express these thoughts to him, he tells me that he is proud that I'm doing so well on a bike that is so big (esp for lil old me at 5 feet tall). He said that he's happily surprised at how well I do ride the bike as he was worried that it might be too big for me. And he never tells me that I have to go faster, turn tighter, or snake the bike the way he can. Because he knows full well that exceeding one's comfort zone is a sure way to end up hurt. He knows that once I'm comfy that I'll be more daring. I've been practicing in a church parking lot near my home, getting used to turns and stops on my new baby. And the kicker of the situation? I've been riding for 15 years. So even though I have all this experience under my belt (including 5-6 hour road trips up north), a new bike is just that . . . New. You gotta get used to her, and she has to get used to you. So if your husband wants to go riding with his pals and go fast and such, let him. But gently remind him that you won't be riding AT ALL if you are laid up in a hospital from an accident from exceeding your comfort zone. Then ask him if wouldn't please help get you to a spot (parking lot, etc), where you can practice on your bike. Remind him that more you practice, the quicker you and he will be out riding together. And BTW, I've been on a crotch rocket, and I give you a LOT of credit to ride one. Only rode shotgun, but didn't like it at all. Don't like the speed I guess, or the implication that if you ride one you have to go fast. So kudos to you, you're one up on me sister. Keep it safe, keep it comfy, and good luck :) – Julie (note from Mama: thank you for sharing such an honest accounting of your own journey in riding . . . it's always helpful to be reminded that we are not alone in our trials and tribulations, but with sincere effort and determination, most of us will become accomplished riders. Yahoo!) Dear
VTwin Mama, However...I took my Sportster out in the parking lot of a local school, and was shocked at how jelly-gut/rubber-legged NERVOUS I was on it. It felt like it weighed a million pounds! (I'm 5'8" tall and weigh 123 lbs) To make matters worse, at a stop, flat-footed on the ground, my handlebars tilted and I dropped the bike on myself. The second time I went out to the parking lot, I was too scared to turn the handlebars far enough on a low-speed turn, and once again, dropped the my bike. I was so frustrated and angry at myself; I felt like such a loser. My husband then bought me a Suzuki Marauder 250 to practice on until I get good enough for the Harley, and it is indeed, as you have advised, a starter bike that does not scare the snot out of me, and I am doing MUCH better (I'm on low-speed roads now). I have since noted a lot of comments about the Sportster being top heavy. My husband says that I need a whole lot more upper-body strength and muscle. Are there any Harleys that are NOT top heavy that would be better for me to ride? I really only want to ride a Harley. If not, what intermediate bike should I be looking at for my next ride that has more of a Sportster feel...or should I just go straight onto the Sportster when I am super-comfortable with my Marauder riding? I just discovered your site last week, and it is just wonderful! Thank you so very much! – Louise Dear
Louise, It's true that the Sporty is top heavy (high center of gravity) as compared to other bikes, but this in itself can be overcome. Like many women riders have noted, they found practice time on a smaller, used bike, especially coming straight from a riding course, to be a Godsend. The fact is that it will take months of practice to really learn and master the basic riding skills that will eventually translate into skilled riding. Boy, if I could recount all the oopsies I had in the beginning, I'd have to start a whole new website! Your dearest hubby, however, does have a point about upper body strength, but again, this is not just for the Sporty. At your height/weight it would be very beneficial to begin an exercise regiment to build those arm muscles. Visit the local sports shop to inquire after free weights (I got mine in a kit of three different weight ranges, 1lb, 3lb and 5lb). You'll find that building your leg strength is also useful. Although mastering riding techniques will lessen your need to strong arm the bike, there will always be those moments when you'll be glad that you've got a little bit more oomph in your both your arms and legs. For instance, long distance riding is much easier IMHO when your body is in overall better condition! Tons less fatigue. The riding course gave you some good ideas on how to proceed with your own practice sessions, but you might consider getting the Ride Like a Pro for the Ladies video. It shows a women rider on a big honking bike doing really slow maneuvers and the like with full explanations of the dynamics of what is happening as a synergy between you and the bike. Again, many readers of this site have written in and noted what a difference it made to their riding confidence. You may also want to scroll down my Cool Links page . . . there is an excellent site that shows you picture by picture the technique to properly pick up your bike should it decide to "take a nap," as I call it! So, take heart and become one with bike! You CAN do it! – Mama For Judy who has some jitters making mistakes in front of others: Judy's letter about embarrassing moves in front of onlookers stuck in my head and I guess I have to put my two cents in. I can relate. (collective sigh: here she goes again...)[naaaaa, we love 'ya Linda!] This too shall pass. It took me forever to go out in traffic with my husband. My learning curve has been more like a long twisty. The first real ride we went on (I don't count the time we just went out in traffic some and came back) was down through the beautiful Cuyahoga Valley from Cleveland to Akron, about 30 miles one way. We stopped for a snack before heading back, and as we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a couple watching us from across the parking lot. He had a big Harley and she rode pillion. We had all waved our polite hellos, but now they were just staring at us like we're about to split the atom or something. I must have looked "new" or unsure or something. My husband gets over to the driveway, hovers, and pulls out and goes down the road before I'm even moving. So I did the stupid thing and rushed to follow him. I was not ready to be alone in this situation, and I didn't know which way he was going to go at the next light. I got myself over to the driveway's edge, looked both ways and pulled out, jerky as all get out. I could do better, but being under duress and knowing I had an all-knowing (in my mind) audience, made me very sloppy. I was SO embarrassed! I let my husband know that for the time being, the hovering would not do. He didn't realize he abandoned me that day, and now he always makes sure I'm ready to go. Of course due to my nervousness, as time went on, I had plenty more of these less than proud moments... almost every time I rode. I'm such a klutz sometimes. Until recently. Now I notice more and more people watching me. Especially women. Mostly women riding pillion. Maybe they're getting ideas about riding, too. I notice men watching. For instance, at the gas station in our neighborhood where everybody kind of knows each other... but now, instead of being jerky and sloppy and missing gears when I pull out, I do okay... not so much of a klutz anymore (on the bike, anyway). It took all summer with lots of saddle time every weekend, but it was worth it! I'm still on my Virago, with a VLX waiting in the garage. I'm in no hurry because I am having a ball and I don't want to do anything to spoil it. What a blast this riding season has been; 3100 miles worth so far; 146 Labor Day, and 101 the day before that. I still have a long, long way to go, but I've improved since that first trip back in April. I can keep up at 50-55 mph, I'm much better stopping on inclines (but I still don't like them!), I take curves better, I shift better for the situation, I park better, and I'm not terrified before I go out. I'm nervous, but no longer paralyzed with fear! It's healthy to have some fear but if it absolutely stops you in your tracks, something is wrong and some assessing is in order. And I always pray before I go out because I know anything can happen. I haven't been out in traffic alone other than when we get separated, but then we put on between 150-300 miles each weekend (sometimes we have three-day weekends). I have not had time during the week to go out alone so it's not an issue right now. I get all my freelance work done during the week so I can spend the weekend riding. And anyway, two bikes are more visible than one. That will have to suffice for now. Truth be told, I do plenty of "watching" myself. I see ladies out there that are obviously seasoned riders. They handle their big cruisers very well and I really admire them for that. Hope to be there someday, but I can appreciate now, some of what goes into that seasoning. It isn't easy. As we stand around taking our breaks, we often see 2-bike couples like ourselves. We've seen plenty of ladies on big Harleys that looked too big for them, probably because they're dragging their feet, which barely touch the ground, all the way to the driveway's edge before gingerly pulling out, barely keeping it together, trying to catch up to the old man. We saw a gal not long ago almost drop her bike in a parking lot and she wasn't even doing anything. She was sitting still on it! It's not the size, it's the skill level. We've seen guys who are struggling to handle their big bikes. Yup, guys. And it's terrifying to watch... for both of us. It is so important to trust your gut. If it really doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If it does feel right (or close enough), go for it. The point is, you'll KNOW, deep down. Size aside, I had unrealistic expectations early on regarding the probable length of my learning curve, mostly based on someone else's expectations. I had nothing else to base it on, so I began to doubt myself. So how long should it take? As long as it takes, whatever that may be. After all, we're not carbon copies of each other, so how can our experiences be? Now that the question of size has come up several times, I think there is one important aspect that is being overlooked. Men are stronger. It is part of their physiology--- they were made that way. That puts them at a different starting point. I know there are large strong women who are stronger than some smaller guys, but I'm not talking about specifics. I'm making a (gasp!) generalization. I'm not saying a woman can't handle a large bike, I'm saying that in many cases a gal might have to work up to it in order to develop skills. One of my MSF (classroom) instructors leads a Goldwing drill team and her husband rides behind her. She stressed that she doesn't have the upper body strength to ride like a man, so she has to ride differently. Differently. She has developed skills. I still get occasional flack for riding a 250 even though it's just temporary. "Are you on the 600 yet?" seems to be the burning question, and it progresses from there. It used to bother me but now I don't care. I'll get there. It's strange how such a bunch of non-conformists can try to pressure you into conforming to their ideals. (!) And what's all this preoccupation with size, guys? When faced with these situations I try to say as little as possible, but sometimes I just laugh and tell them I'm a non-conformist among non-conformists. Then I can almost see the blank thought bubbles over everyone's heads. Anyway, my life is more important than anyone else's paradigms. Did I mention I'm having a ball? Ride safe ladies, and do it YOUR way! It only gets better. – Linda C. (note from Mama: reading through your letter reminded me that every time I did something awfully stupid I was either rushing things or showing off, despite a lack of the full skill set! I still cringe on these remembrances! Over time, I realized that riding well, enjoying the ride, and pulling unscathed into my garage WAS the point . . . so that I could ride again! Therefore, whatever it takes in terms of practice, or staying away from situations one isn't ready for, or asking for advice or assistance, is ALWAYS the right thing to do. Yes, we are more naturally prone to believing that others are scrutinizing us when we are just beginning out, but if we remember that we are LEARNING to ride, then maybe the oopsies can be put into better perspective. And I STILL say that these incidents make for great story telling/sharing down the road . . . because almost everyone can relate, and that is our common bond! Whew, collective sigh, stop already VTM!) For Linda who wrote to Judy about new rider jitters on people watching: Linda C.'s letter really was wonderful. I truly adore my little Suzuki 250 and right now I don't care if I never get a bigger bike. My husband is still grouchy that I didn't just jump right onto his Shadow 600 and make it my own - I suppose cuz he wanted an excuse to get himself a bigger ride - but I am still positive that I made the right decision. I have 800 miles on my little bike now - I ride every chance I get - when it stops raining.... I have successfully achieved many of the newbie rites of passage - the kickstand drop, the burned out battery, and now, most recently, the famous drop at the end of the driveway for absolutely no apparent reason - I think I just lost my balance - it was kind of a slo-mo laydown. I am trying very hard to laugh at that one - my husband was out of town, the bike was half into a low pine tree branch so getting next to it was nearly impossible, the down side . . . saddlebag had my housekeys and cellphone, and the rear wheel was off the driveway and about 6 inches lower. I couldn't get the buttlift to work because I couldn't keep the front fork straight, but a neighbor saw me as she was pulling out of her driveway and held the handlebar straight while I pushed it up. I was muddy and dirty and shaky and late for work and my mirror was lopsided and floppy and the car was just sitting there by the house and I got back on the bike and wobbled off to work. Having read all the letters on your site about falls and fear, I realized that I had to get back on or I might never be able to again. I had to work Saturday morning of Labor Day weekend but it was a beautiful day so I asked my husband if he would ride over at noon and we could go to lunch and ride for a while. He was kind of grumpy about it but he did. Our first bike lunch date. Then, THEN, on Monday he asked ME to go riding! A long time coming, but I think we are finally a riding couple. He dragged me over some scary terrain - the Thruway, Route 17 (even worse - 17 is stripmall alley on steroids, and it was on one of the biggest shopping days of the year) and a windy road in a new development under construction - full of sand and gravel and dirt. And like Linda's husband, he stayed out far ahead of me and I had to scramble to keep up sometimes so I would know which turn he made, but I made it. And again like Linda, I am noticing people watching me. The guys - they smile and wave, and the women around here, well, some of them kind of tsk tsk, (jealous?) but others are giving me this "right on!" look. I know I am just riding a little puttputt (or, as my husband would say, a Lawnmower), but I am still having serious fun - and besides, it is absolutely the MOST perfect shade of blue. We are house-shopping in Florida (Venice area). I never thought a New Yorker like me could move to Florida - but now all I can think about is a year-round riding season! Wow - has riding changed me! – Annie B. (note from Mama: my, my, my . . . but you HAVE continued to come along way sister and I am soooo proud of you! Sorry, but I did chuckle over the latest drop oopsie, but only because it brings back soooo many memories. I surely wish that at the time I had to pull myself out of so many scrapes that I had someone telling me that I'M NOT ALONE! But that was back in the early 80s and I didn't have a clue that I wasn't! And I also glad that Linda's letter validated your feeling that sticking with the 250cc bike for now is the right thing to do for you. You just keep motoring on and some day we'll hear that you've decided to graduate to a bigger bike, but one that is right FOR YOU . . . and the Annie B. saga will indeed continue!) Sunday, September 12 For Annie B. and her continuing riding adventure saga: Annie B -- YOU ROCK!!! I've followed your journey and am impressed with your tenacity and determination! I admire you!! I hope someday to be able to meet you and shake your hand!! I have shared your story with my hubby. His comment: her husband should be proud and happy she's riding; I hope she hangs in there and that he'll come around!! – A Kansas Girl (note from Mama: Since Annie began writing to the VTwin Mama site we have all been "witnesses" to her true-life account of the challenges, set-backs, teeth-gritting, teeth-nashing, tears of frustration, and tears of joy that many new riders experience. That Annie tells it with such candor and grace, while at the same time asking for advice and support, is a testament to her inner strength. That this site provides a safe haven for discussion makes my heart sing.) Monday, October 4 Dear
VTwin Mama, Dear
Annie, As to the riders who didn't pass you, I wouldn't read too much into the "butt slap." Your description suggests that it meant that you simply were on a smaller cc bike without the same "get up and go" . . . but as this rider has no idea of who you are or what you've accomplished so far, it was a tactless gesture. There will always be riders out there with pea-sized intellects. Please also attribute this gesture to the rider, as I feel it is important to never classify women riding pillion as something negative. To be quite honest, you'll soon run into riders who don't think women have any business riding their own bike, and as you've crossed that bridge with your husband's attitude (which you are slowly turning around), remember that the courage you showed to overcome that situation should be used in dealing with any person who has no concept how to put themselves in another's shoes. I know that I had to develop a thick skin and shrug off many hurtful moments, but soon found for every slight endured there were a hundred more positive experiences. Good luck in your upcoming move and seriously consider contacting women's riding groups in your new home area. You would do well to meet like-minded women with whom you can share the adventure of riding. – Mama Dear
VTwin Mama, I rode the bike and the 2nd time I did I ran into a mailbox (how embarrassing), gratefully and thankfully I did not get hurt. I do know what I did wrong and it was stupid but I am so freaked out now. I have gotten on it since but am so nervous. I love this bike but I wonder if I will ever be able to handle it. Riders Edge had Buells and they were so different -- I had no problem with those. I am 5'2 124 lbs. Could you give me some advice and support of any kind? What an awesome gift and it is what I wanted now.... ??????????????? It just seems so huge now! – Roxanne Dear
Roxanne, Yes, the bike you used in your class is very different and you were also in a protected "zone" where distractions and things in your pathway (except for cones) weren't a factor. So, recreate that safe environment to learn how to handle your new beastie (what a great gift by the way!). Scope out an empty parking lot in your neighborhood with plenty of clearance. Then, have your hubby dearest ride the bike over so that you can begin practicing exactly how you learned to ride the Buell. Starts and stops in a straight line, moving into higher gears, etc. Next, add temporary markers (cones, tennis balls cut in half, or tape) to mimic traffic intersections, driveways, whatever you feel you want to practice. Once you've got some practice time in, then head onto roads again, but during the lightest day/time you can muster. Plan out a route in advance and travel it by car so that you "think" in terms of riding the bike. Next, hop onto the bike, but have your husband follow in the car or on bike with you in the lead. Does this plan make sense? If you pre-discuss these steps with your husband, I think you'll find that it will have a calming effect. Remember, don't do too much in one day and if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, stop and say so. There are many days ahead for you, so take your time! Soon, your beastie and you will be one with each other . . . and we'll be getting messages of joy from you . . . we look forward to that! – Mama Monday, October 11 For Roxanne who met a mailbox her bike didn't like and she has some jitters: Brings back memories of my beautiful Dyna Low Rider after dropping her the parking lot of a busy hot dog restaurant! Roxanne, this happens! At least you didn't drop it! I was freaked out too and was so nervous riding. I basically scared myself out of riding that bike again. I traded that awesome bike in for a smaller HD (Sportster) then ended up with a bigger bike again (Yamaha V-Star 1100). I really regret not keeping the Dyna and just "getting over it!" Because I did. It's hot here and I don't ride much in the summer so take a 4-5 month break. Looking at the bigger bike freaks me out all over again. What I've done this year is just never mind the size. I started to physic myself up again to ride. Focus on the front end of the bike with what you can see looking forward. If I looked at the back seat and back fender, it would intimidate me. Don't let that happen! Baby steps. Sitting on the bike for a few minutes. Next time starting it up. Then stand it up and start it. Play with the shifter and remember what it feels like. Sounds lame, huh? But, you know what? It really helped. I then just started to ride short rides around the neighborhood, then out on the street as a beginner. Last Saturday we rode 3 hours and I had a ball! Will probably have to do this all over again next fall after a break due to the heat. Like Mama said, pace yourself! Never mind what the guys say or think. I ignore them anyway! Just have fun for you! – Barbara in Queen Creek, AZ (note from Mama: keeping it real for ourselves is a powerful message . . . and thanks for sharing some steps you took to work through the jitters!) Thursday, October 14 Dear
VTwin Mama, I had just started to become adjusted to my bike and the practice that is necessary to become a better rider when I tore the ligaments in my knee, not motorcycle related. I haven't been able to ride at all for 3 weeks. I live in Wisconsin and the weather is starting to get cold. I don't know how much more I will be able to ride this year. I am wondering if I am going to totally forget everything that I had just started to learn by the time Spring comes. I am afraid that I will have lost the little confidence I had gained by practice and my course. Thanks again for a great site. – Barb Dear
Barb, Dear
VTwin Mama, After a disappointing, cold and rainy summer and fall in Ottawa (I didn't get in as much riding as I'd have liked!!) the bikes have been put into storage, so I thought that I'd drop you a line to let you know how I fared. 1. I have taken your advice on improving my upper-body
strength, and have started lifting 8 and 15 lb weights, concentrating on
shoulders, so sometime next season I can hopefully get on my Sportster. 4. I am ordering the "Ride Like a Pro" DVDs that you suggested for cold-weather viewing. I figure if I watch them a few hundred times, the techniques will be drilled into my head by the time it gets warm enough to really practice them. 5. When I am riding, I have found it helpful to not be super-afraid, but create an alternative headspace. I envision the bike being a part of my body; brain-controlled and automatically reacting. I pretend that I am flying low to the ground like Superman sitting up, and this is a normal function of my body. I try not to think too much about what I am doing on the bike, and more about what I am seeing all around me that I may need to react to. This may sound just bizarre, but it works for me! 6. When I come in from riding my Marauder, I get on my (parked) Sportster, feet on the ground, and flip it back and forth between my thighs, so that my last impression is of a heavier bike. This is purely psychological, but I want myself to think of that weight as "normal." The Marauder weighs next to nothing. When I do get finally to ride my Sportster, I will evaluate whether I need to get it lowered or not. Someone told me that, even though I am 5'8", lowering it could be a night and day difference in center of gravity because I am relatively light. Is this true? Many, many, thanks for your time and caring, and to all the ladies out there who inspire me through their stories! – Louise Dear
Louise, What I want to share with you is the pure joy of being VTwin Mama. And it's not just the second letter that let's me know my advice (and those readers who chose to respond) was considered, implemented, and tailored to fit your needs, but also the first letter, where you had the courage to pour out your true feelings on what was happening. I've been writing this column for almost four years now, and letters like yours never stop striking at the core of my heart. If ever I were to write a mission statement for the "business" of VTwin Mama . . . it would have to include the words, "to make a difference." It is not an exaggeration to tell you that tears come to my eyes when a sister has found the steps she needs to take to continue the journey and adventure that is part and parcel of learning to ride. I am soooo proud of you! You've experienced some triumphant moments, recognized that which still needs work, outlined your next steps to become a more proficient rider, established thoughts on how to achieve a synergy and oneness with your bikes, and taken the time to share it all. WOW! You can choose to believe this or not . . . but YOU are MY hero . . . because of your courage and determination to face the challenges as they present themselves. If this isn't the definition of a hero, then I don't know what is (IMHO)! By all means, lower the beastie because yes, it will lower the center of gravity of the bike. I can't determine for you if it's an absolutely necessary step. Riding time is what gives a rider the ability to judge the handling difference of a bike in different configurations. Consider holding off on the decision and get current riding time next season on the Marauder and then graduate yourself to the Sporty. Get a feel for the Sporty. That way, if you do lower it, you will know how differently the bike handles without and with the lowering and you will be in position to determine if you prefer it lowered or not! Enjoy your "time off" and I think you're going to love Ride Like a Pro. Watching it with your very supportive hubby dearest will open the discussion on how to proceed with your next practice sessions. So, my hat is off to you and I can't wait to hear how it's going! – Mama Saturday, October 23 For Louise who is making great strides in her beginning riding experience: Dear Louise, I know exactly how you feel. I had a light weight Suzuki Savage about 5 years ago and rode o.k. with that bike. However, I was not proficient at riding slow. Then, I got a new bike, a V-Star Classic, which was a much heavier bike. I dropped it several times and scared myself into quitting. So, very good for you not to have quit!! I am starting over again. I got a Buell Blast 2 years ago, but did not ride it much until I started reading this web site, and then I got inspired! I just picked up my new bike today!! Thanks to this web site, and all the great letters from the ladies, I chose a Dyna Low Rider. We had to have it lowered and the seat carved down, as I am only 5' tall, but with only 1 hour riding today, I feel still a little nervous, but so great! I love this bike so much! (P.S. I also got the Ride like a Pro video and enjoyed it very much) Thank you, Thank you VTwin Mama!!! – Lee (note from Mama: you are welcome! This letter goes to show that repeated attempts to learn to ride are not out of the ordinary and that seeking solutions helps realize the dream of riding. Thanks for letting Louise know she's doing just fine!) You are so right about that working! [Louise's point #5 about how she envisions herself as she rides] I was told by my motorcycle safety course instructor to 'keep my knees in!' over & over until I finally realized that I needed to treat this bike just like the horses I used to ride - it needs that contact at the knees as well as the hands and feet! I feel much more secure that way (hanging on with my knees) and can actually semi-steer the bike that way too! Particularly in a sideways motion, like when you travel across lanes. Keep up the good work Louise! – Amy (note from Mama: I agree . . . I tend to ride with my knees splayed out a bit but learned when entering tight or blind road curves that by bringing in my knees I have even a better sense of control in conjunction with counter-steering principals. Anytime we move our body parts closer to the center of gravity, i.e. the pivot point around which bikes move in a turn, the more "one" we are with what the bike characteristically will be doing. Therefore, a greater sense of control and well being!) Dear
VTwin Mama, I'm your basic new rider with a couple of problems (over and above the jitters). I passed the MSF course and bought a 1998 Intruder 800, which I brought home last night. Today was the first day that I tried to take it out, and I dropped it at the end of our road, which is a private dirt with some gravel affair, about 125 feet long with a bump at the end where it meets the pavement (I'll address my feeling about the causes of the drop in "part 2"). Of course, I was embarrassed by the drop, but expected this sort of thing would happen sooner or later (or sooner) and had looked at the sites that show how to pick a bike up again, etc, so I thought I could figure it out. I hit the engine cutoff, turned off the bike . . . it was already in gear . . . I was ready to try the techniques! However, a couple of things were a little different. My bike was almost flat on the ground (dropped on the right side) and I just couldn't seem to get myself into any of the angles that showed on the websites. An additional problem was that my feet kept slipping, no matter how much I tried to clear the stones (it may have been the angles were just too far off too). Lastly, to my horror, gasoline was dripping out of the top of the tank...shouldn't some gasket or something keep the gasoline in there? I don't even know what you call the hole where you put the gas in... **sigh** . I tried to prop up the front end with my helmet (yeah, I'll be buying a new one . . . I'm sure gasoline isn't good for its structural integrity, not to mention the lingering smell for me) to get a better angle on the seat and to try and keep the gas from dripping out, to no avail. I didn't know what to do! No one was around and gas was dripping out, so I called the town police. Long story short, the paramedic came and helped me pick up the bike. The fire truck (complete with sirens) came and rolled their eyes, but at least dumped some of that gasoline absorbent stuff on the spill. All in all, they were pretty nice. I turned the bike back on and slunk up the road to my garage (I did pick my feet up!). Actually, I could laugh much of this off (it is kind of funny), being unable to pick the bike up is making me afraid to go out on it again (once I get a new helmet that is). I like the idea of getting carpeting and trying it in the driveway, since I think that I should be able to do this (I'm 5'4" and 145 lbs, but 48 years flabby), but how do I handle the gasoline thing? I still feel ok about the bike, it's size etc. I feel the factors in the drop were 1) intimidation by and thinking too much about a non-parking lot environment 2) inexperience with how the controls on this bike would respond (had trouble finding it and it had a lot more play than I was expecting) 3) new rider inexperience 4) jitters/lack of confidence. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can conquer this fear? I was thinking that an engine guard would help, so the bike would not lay so flat, but I'm still concerned about the gasoline thing. Now, you may be thinking that I should have started out in a parking lot first, which would have been my preferred strategy as well, but my situation is complicated by an extremely unsupportive, in fact almost vindictive SO. Like many women, I'd ridden pillion for several years. From the first moment I sat on the back of the bike, I just loved it. I began to ask myself, why couldn't I do this! Without going into any more details (it's just too exhausting to write about), I did take the MSF course and got my license. When I told SO about the bike, he was furious and made it clear that this was a significant issue between us and that he would not help me (other than to drive the bike home from the dealer, which is about 15 highway/suburban miles away). He took the passenger seat and passenger pegs off of his bike and threw them into the trash. This is important, because as my bike was going down today, all I could "feel" was that I was stupid to even be trying this, what did I expect, etc, etc. I called him about the dropped bike, looking for words of support more than actual help, and he refused to talk with me or otherwise support me and hung up. I wasn't too surprised, but I was hoping for different. He just sucks the confidence right out of me. I have met some great women at local WOW, but I'm reluctant to involve them in this, although they're aware of my overall lack of support at home. I know that this involves issues that really go beyond motorcycling, but I was wondering if any other women have struggled with this issue to the same extent. I had taken some heart from Annie B who had struggled with an unsupportive husband, but right now I'm feeling like I just don't have the oomph to battle the usual beginner issues and the SO "undertow". I'm thinking I need to resolve some deeper issues before struggling with the demands of learning to ride a motorcycle. I appreciate your thoughts...Thanks for listening. – Susan Dear
Susan, So, what to say. Hmmmm . . . first point . . . yes, it's true, the little beasties don't always fall in a position that lends itself to using pick up techniques, especially adding gravel/dirt under your feet. I think you handled it BEAUTIFULLY in calling for assistance from the local police. You took care of the situation! Yes, an engine guard or highway bar would have kept the bike at more of an angle that might have helped, so keep it in mind for future considerations (although a firm ground footing still makes a big difference). NEVER be reluctant to flag or call for help. It happens sometimes. To us all. I've never known a bike that didn't leak gas from it's "gas input hole" which is probably more correctly called something like a "gas tank input" but heck, if there is a proper name for it, I've got no stinking clue (tee hee hee, I admit I laughed with you on that one!). Sigh. Main point here: don't strike a match and clean up the bike as soon as possible to minimize damage to the paint job. You may have "slunk" back, but you got the bike back up the road. Kudos. You again took care of what needed to happen. Significant Other sounds like a pill. You've got deeper issues to work out on that one and I'm hoping in the back of my mind that maybe Annie B. will offer to talk or email one-on-one with you. That's up to her, or maybe someone else out there reading this, who understands what you're going through with her own first hand experience, will offer communication options. Sounds like you need a kindred sister spirit. I will pass on email addresses and/or phone numbers only with the express permission from both parties. I can appreciate that you were reluctant to call on WOW chapter sisters, but will note this: next time you meet up with the group, ask to bring up your specific incident (beastie taking a nap) . . . as a general topic of "what to do." Let the group talk about how they handle these things (trust me, you are NOT ALONE) and then see if there is a personal support level that might arise from it. Now, would it be possible to garage your bike at a "sister's" place for a short while . . . somewhere that would provide easier access to paved roads right off the bat, with a practice area nearby? This could be a temporary arrangement, but would allow you to approach the bike for a ride and not add the negativity of the SO part and you've got a sister mentor to boot. You never know until you ask for what you need to make a difference to you right now. Family member? Co-worker? Girlfriend? I can appreciate that you might want to shelve learning to ride for right now, but also think that if you kanoodle out some other options, your possible solution set might be wider than you were thinking at the time you wrote this letter. Take heart sister, we're listening and hoping for the very best outcome for you. Now, go find options so your dream of riding is not delayed one minute longer than it needs to be! – Many, many hugs in deepest support, Mama Friday, October 29 For Susan who is facing many challenges, including a non supportive SO: Susan -- I could feel the frustration and emotion flowing from your letter. I know you will get lots of support helping you to get through this. Just know that you have lots of sisters giving you mental hugs and encouragement to deal positively with everything in your life. As long as you focus on what is good for you, you WILL come out on top, even if you are walking through a pile of sh** right now. – Carol (note from Mama: oh, I like the mental hugs you offered, and agree that positive thinking is a very constructive way to work through life's challenges! You've GOT to SEE yourself achieving life goals to get there!) Wow, I can't believe how unsupportive some people's partners are! I can't understand how one could love riding so much and then want to deny someone else (and someone they presumably love) the pleasure. A friend of mine recently decided that his wife (also now a friend of mine, since our fabulous meeting in South Carolina) MUST learn to ride, so he doesn't orphan their kids with a two-up incident! I know that sometimes unsupportiveness simply stems from concern for the new rider's welfare, but then training books and videos and and great gear and assistance are in order, not disapproval! Susan, I'm sure that some of your WOW sisters would be more than happy to come to your assistance if you drop your bike again and can't pick her up. Petra is right that you need to feel around this issue a little more. Maybe there is a VTwin Mama sister near you that would be happy to be on your call list (not in the East SF Bay are you?). Keeping your bike at a friend's house is also a fantastic idea! But, I had an idea for the gravelly drive/footing problem. Find a nice piece of carpet, and stash it in your saddlebag (or bungee net it on). Then, you can throw that over the gravel to provide more secure footing for yourself. Some kind of floor mat with a nice rubbery backing would give it better traction on pebbly ground, I think. And never feel ashamed to ask for help. The time I tipped my bike over, I was too freaked out my |
