Dear VTwin Mama,
My name is Paula and I am a survivor. On August 6, 2005 I crashed my
BRAND NEW VStar Silverado. I was driving through a gentle curve when
I hit a rock in the road. The rock was only the size of a
baseball, but it was enough to send me and the bike tumbling end over end
into a field, with the bike landing on me at least once. When the
dust settled, I had broken my left femur, crushed my pelvis, right hip and
right femur, broken ribs and vertebrae. My husband and children
witnessed the entire crash. I was flown into a Trauma Center and
rebuilt. I now have titanium femurs, hip and pelvis. It has
been 9 months since my crash and I am now able to walk with a cane.
I have overcome many fears and obstacles, except one . . . I want to
ride again. My husband absolutely "forbids" it. Has
anyone else had this obstacle? Am I crazy? Please help.
– Paula
Dear Paula,
You are not alone and you are not crazy . . . if you read through
the Accident Survivor
pages, you will hear the voices of other accident survivors that have
written into the VTwin Mama site. These are strong, honest letters that
explore the desire to ride again.
What a horrible accident and result you have experienced. I am in awe of your courage over the last 9 months as you rebuild your strength, physical capabilities, and willingness to address the mental component of all of this.
I need to preface my comments with a note that I am not trained in the area of any counseling professions, but will suggest some things you may wish to consider in your bid to ride again.
As a person in their own right (as separate from anyone else), you have a mindset about the accident, the recovery, and your wishes for the future. If you were single, then even extended family and friends would have a viewpoint, but ultimately you would be "free" to choose for yourself.
However, your husband and children add a layer to your experience that cannot be denied. As witnesses, they underwent a trauma on their own level, including a feeling of helplessness as they saw the event and the outcome. You are an important person to them. You husband "forbidding" you to try riding again is a natural reaction to never wanting to go through that again. It may be the only way he has of expressing his fear of the situation (potential loss of wife and mother to his children). He may have been leery of your riding right from the start, and now the fears are confirmed. He may have been supportive of your adventure, but now reading about such things in the paper has hit close to home. He may be a rider himself, and rethinking the sport because you have children at greater risk of losing a parent.
I doubt it will do any good to point out that people have accidents in all sorts of way, as motorcycling is often considered an "optional" thing to get involved in. Most people need to drive a car for day-to-day life, but not a motorcycle. If your husband is a non-rider, he may or may not have a clear understanding of what your motorcycle riding has given/added to your life in terms of your own individuality. When you voiced your first thoughts on riding again, did you talk about what motorcycling means to you, what you've lost and wish to regain?
Most people try to overcome the hurdles on their own and are hesitant to consider professional counseling (not for us/me, too expensive, what for, why should I, etc.). Still, if your husband refuses to talk it out on a meaningful level, you may wish to seek an accident survivors group, private couple's counseling or something similar. This would provide a place for both of you to have your say with a professional moderator on hand to guide the discussion to a useful exchange of thoughts and feelings (vs. it all reducing to screaming matches or angry silence). You could also explore the need to bring your children in at some point (depending on their ages).
Part of this equation may also include your specific steps to riding again. That was a brand new bike, but it doesn't follow (necessarily) that you were a relatively new rider at the time. An honest review of your own skill level is important. Have you mapped out steps in your mind on how you would proceed? What steps could you add to show your family that you take your rider education/skill level seriously? Even as an experienced rider, an advanced course might be one of those steps.
While motorcycle riding may provide an experience independent of anyone else for you, perhaps an interim period of choosing something that the whole family could participate in could be considered. For instance, if the whole family were to ride bicycles together, it would be a shared experience, and one in which safety issues can be addressed and shared, and the risk of being on the road "balanced" against the joy of pursing an enjoyable sport.
Your desire and path is not easy, but is you who has to
be strong and clear on how the family can heal together and to map out the
steps to achieve that. Great courage is needed so that this doesn't get
shoved under the carpet for all time. If it means you attend counseling on
your own, consider it, as you don't want the anger of "being
forbidden" to fester either. I wish the best for you and your family
during this challenging time. –
Mama
Wednesday, May 3
Dear VTwin Mama,
I just recently found your amazing site and want to say thanks on behalf
of all us rookies. [you are welcome!]
I'm a moped rider who just bought a 1981 CM400A Hondamatic. I am totally new to the motorcycle world and was wondering if you could direct me to a Hondamatic riders or a "newbie" forum (if there is one) so that I can correctly learn about care, safety and laws of the bike. Also if there is a site where I can get aftermarket, old/new and or used parts for a Hondamatic?
Another thing is I don't know how to ride a manual bike and wanted to know if that will affect me when I go to get my M license? Can I use my own bike (I live in PA )? I don't plan on ever getting a manual bike so I don't really care to learn to ride one, especially now that I've discovered Ridleys, so can I still get a motorcycle license with just an automatic?
I also wanted to know if there are any more affordable automatic motorcycles out there? I bought my Hondamatic for $500, and the new Ridleys are out of my price range. Are there any others I don't know about? Thank you very much. Peace and Love. – Michelle S.
Dear Michelle,
To ride legally on roads, whether you have a manual or auto tranny
bike, you need a "M" on your license. This is the PA
DMV page that addresses things like a learner's permit, etc. Yes, you
would take your own bike for the riding portion of the test (when you are
ready).
The skills necessary to become a good rider apply to all bikes. You can teach yourself by using a wide range of books and DVDs which can be found on my Education Center page. The key here is to find an empty parking lot for practice!
I don't recall that there are any specific courses offered for auto tranny bike riders where you take your own bike. That leaves you searching for a private instructor if you feel that would be a good step for you. You could contact standard courses to see if any of the instructors offer private lessons. You could also seek out independent (rather than national level) courses . . . one might be the Stayin' Safe course offered in Pittsburgh. It's pricey and you would need to call to see if they would train you on your Hondamatic. Or, they may know of other sources for assistance if they can't help you.
Over time, many Hondamatic lovers have written in,
offering support sites, forums, and sources for parts. As I can't possibly
call up these details in my brain, please take the time to read through my
Bike Type: Auto Tranny pages.
On these pages you will also learn of other possible auto tranny bike
models for consideration, including mega scooters. It's worth wading
through! –
Mama
Thursday, May 4
Dear VTwin Mama,
I've been searching the Internet for an automatic transmission
motorcycle for a while when I stumbled across your site . . . and its
AWESOME!!! I found the perfect bike for me, the Hondamatic. Thanks again,
sincerely,
– Live Free or Die from NH
Dear Live Free,
I'm glad to hear that information posted on the VTwin Mama site was
able to help you! I'm finding that there are lots of Hondamatic lovers, a
mini community within the grand scheme of things! –
Mama